Recently, the Planet Magazine offices received the following message from "The UFO Pilots Ass'n of Testbed Earth". Interestingly, it came in via traditional fax. We were able to verify the information as correct, however, via the 1-866 contact number on the press release. When we called to ask, "A fax, WTF?! LOL!!", the alien representative … Continue reading UFO Pilots Speak Out! →

Vacancies are still available at the "Sacred Burial Grounds Apartments" Complex in Indian Mounds, N.J. Free 2-week poltergeist insurance to the first dozen renters! Call: 555-5555, ext. 555.

...and spoil the reactor.

These are seemingly dark days in the transoceanic trucking industry. The seas are as deep and gloomy as they've ever been. Lotsa truck cabs are unheated and unpressurized, and they typically crumple under the pressure of even one aquasphere. More important, the goods being transported get wet, and flatter, even if they were wet and … Continue reading Smooth Sailing for Transoceanic Trucking →

When The Clone War started up, my comrades and I in The Rebel Federation quickly determined that it was an exact duplicate of an earlier war, known simply as The War. A war that we had won. So we carefully did everything exactly the same again, using, ironically, clones of soldiers who had fallen in … Continue reading How We Won The Clone War →

They called President Nixon "paranoid" when he said there were people in the FBI who were out to get him. But with the recent uncorking of No. 2 FBI honcho Mark Felt as "Deep Throat", we can once again confidentally assert the following maxim: Just because you fear people are coming to get you, doesn't … Continue reading Richard Nixon Was Right →

Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors take fright. Red sky at midday, sailors completely freak out and look for a new line of work.