Planet Magazine No. 38

Originally published as Planet Magazine No. 38 (June 2003) on the classic Planet Magazine site.

Planet Magazine

June Quarter 2003 * Issue No. 38 (Vol. 10, No. 2)
Wild Science Fiction & Fantasy on the Web — Since 1994
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Photo-illustration of a chrome retro ray gun labeled Electrolux, with the words Death Ray
Cover photo-illustration: “Death Ray” by Greg Brotherton

Table of Contents

Editorial & Letters · About the Authors · About the Artists · About this Magazine

Stories

Poems

Editorial & Letters

Sci-Fib

Under relentess pressure from the Attorneys General of Earth and the Associated Planets, and against the advice of our lawyers from the Choodoeuo Spectrum Collective (the finest pro bono lawyers in this reality — although who doesn’t like U2), we at Planet Magazine have chosen this moment to finally come clean. We are taking this space to fully and truthfully admit that every single story that we have ever published has been fictional. That’s right: made up by some writer. Invented. Imagined. Not one of the tales published in these e-pages has been literally true (except that one about time-travel and aliens).

What’s worse, because of the extremely high quality of these fictional stories — and especially of the brilliant editorials — the average reader was receiving what he or she believed was a very satisfying and lasting return on the considerable time they invested in reading Planet while at their jobs. We acknowledge that our failure to stress the “fiction” in science fiction consitutes a willful and negligent pumping up of readers’ expectations that within a few years they would be traveling to other dimensions via SonyIBM PortalPaks, where they may converse with their doppelgangers (but never touch one another, as the usual matter/antimatter problem would blow them both up and destroy both dimensions as well as several neighboring realities).

We could blame our writers for the situation we’re in (as it really is their fault), or we could point to the irrationally exuberant bull-market in Sci-Fi Web-zines over the past several years (whose very existence warps reality, even when they are unread). We could even insist, as our lawyers have told us to, that our true readers are the institutional readers (so called because they often become “institutionalized”), who understand that the stories are fictional but can also extract inspiration from them and thus better their lives on their own terms. However, we at Planet are all about copping a plea to snag a reduced sentence. That’s what we’ve always stood for, and always will. So we’ve agreed to admit to all charges through this editorial, owning up to the fact that we publish science FICTION. And to ensure that we save our skins we’ve sung like a super-intelligent xenocanary from the planet ZhoXXiossee to the regulators and have turned in all of our writers, poets, artists. That’s right, we gave them names, dates, websites, blogsites, e-mail addresses. Everything.

As a result, Planet’s editors will not go to jail, as our years of selflessly editing this zine have been accepted as community-service served. In addition, Planet has agreed to a financial settlement (what’s called a “sci-fine”) with the attorneys general to disgorge negative profits of nearly 3,141,592.56 Euros “earned” over the past nine years or so. Therefore, dear readers, please send us your cash contributions as soon as possible to help meet this galactically mandated disbursement of negative income that you owe. The best way to do it would be to simply send us a $100 bill as an e-mail attachment (here’s how: in your e-mail program, simple create a new message, choose Attach, and then navigate through your folder hierarchy, out of your computer, and into your wallet, where you’ll choose the proper bill; address the message to , and hit Send. It’s that simple.) If all of our readers do this, we expect to make a profit of nearly $120 shizillion. The final part of this settlement with the regulators involves us agreeing to distribute stories by third parties, along with our own stories. We’re not really sure what that means, but we signed the legal documents anyway to get this behind us. Bottom line: It’s “business as usual”! The boys are back in town! Yeeeeehawwwww!

With Enforced Sincerity,
Andrew G. McCann, Editor
June 2003

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor: The WRA Committee is pleased to announce the 2003 Wooden Rocket Award winners. The annual award recognises online excellence in the science fiction and fantasy genre. At the close of counting on June 5, 2003, 12,647 online science fiction fans had made 63,531 nominations for various web sites. The awards for each category for this year can be found at http://www.woodenrocket.com/.
Mark Lewis
Awards Co-Ordinator
Wooden Rocket Award

Dear Editor: Greetings from Tyrannosaurus Press. We are a small publishing house in New Orleans that specializes in science fiction and fantasy. Our goal is to help both new and established authors produce and promote quality works of SF&F. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Roxanne Reiken

Dear Editor: In recent years, Star Trek has lost its way, becoming more and more about sex appeal and less and less about the qualities that the Original Series tried to make accessable to the general public. A group of fans has now been organized as TrekNoConfidence. This association is dedicated to informing other Trek fans about the problems with the franchise today and encouraging them to participate in a mail-in No Confidence Vote to Paramount. Our website is filled with articles and information gathered from all over the web and from members of the group. Thank you for hearing me out.
Tammy Morrison
Senior AdvisorTrekNoConfidence.com

Dear Editor: I just found my old Planet Magazine stories from 1995. I wrote the Time Burglar (PM 7) and Time Madam (PM 6). Funny going back to those novice efforts after all these years! I am now a writer and author of the (nonfiction) book Gearheads: the Turbulent Rise of Robotic Sports, at www.gearheadsthebook.com.
Cheers,
Brad

Dear Editor: I stumbled across your web site today and have enjoyed reading many of the stories. I do have a question for you. I’ve noticed many of the stories have obvious spelling and grammatical errors. Who is responsible for the editing? The author? Someone on your website? Just curious. For me, coming across obvious errors detracts from the reading of the story to the extent of becoming annoying. Maybe it’s just me but…
Alan L. Brown

[Editor’s Note: We apologize for errors found in any issue of Planet Magazine. We will do our best to maintain and improve quality.]

Dear Editor: As a contributor to your zine, I thought I would ask readers to check out the book Spacestations and Graveyards. I do not think they will be disappointed.
Eric S. Brown

Letters to the Updated Axis of Evil

Dear Government-but-Not-the-People-of-Iran: Are you the kind of person who comes right out and poses a question that seems to indicate it’s leading up to something, only to answer your own question with an absurd, sophomoric statement that attempts to link you with the person being questioned? If so, then you and me are shamahumalama.
So It Is Written,
Zoe Ettis-Rittan

Dear Government-and-the-People-of-North Korea: I bought one of those High Elven Infantry helmet reproductions from the movie Lord of the Rings (and by “movie”, I mean “documentary”). It looks great on me, and I expect a big side-benefit of the helmet acting as a shield against alien abductions, but I’m very worried about the heat effects during the summer months. Any advice? I live in Key West, by the way.
Thanx,
Hal Matt

[Editor’s Note: We recommend you go topless, barefoot, and wear shorts when you have the helmet on! Also, carry a handheld fan (packing plenty of extra batteries in your pockets) and keep it pointed under your chin (that will also help distort the alien “See-Know” Total Information Awareness rays). So go ahead and go to the beach with your pals and have fun this summer! It’s worked well for us!!]

Dear Government-and-the-ex-Iraqi-Officials-They’re-Hiding-but-Not-the-People-of-Syria: The letter just above this one has prompted me to write in. My anti-abduction helmet (made of aluminum foil and old gym socks and thus not very “kewl”) is also a bit hot, so to fix that I’ve poked holes in it to cool me off. In hindsight (as I literally see out of my ass), I should have removed the helmet from my head before poking the holes! Yee-owch!! But like you say, it’s worked well for me!!
That’s All,
Tim Foile

[Editor’s Note: We accidentally poked holes in our own skulls too! That’s funny!]

Dear Jacques Chirac: I am the Evil One, known far and wide throughout Middle Earth as “The Eye”. Yet I am even crueler at home, as you might well imagine — though there is no way you could imagine this without experiencing the actual horror of it! How cruel am I? Well, did you know that the original name of the Nazgul was “The One-Hundred-and-Seventy-Eight Black Riders”? Hey, do the math. Now, all of you, bow down to the terror of The Ring of Power! Yes, “THE Ring”. And of course I am talking about the ancient and awesome power of Krispy Kreme!
Cheers,Dino-Sauron
The Dork Lard

Dear Hillary Clinton: I am a life-size cardboard cutout of a person. My current job involves participating in a lot of videoconferencing. So inevitably people misunderstand and think I’m just an inert stand-in for some uncaring, absentee employee. The fact that I can’t talk or move only reinforces that mistaken impression. You can imagine how difficult it was for me to think up, type, and send this letter to you — but I really wanted to get my story out. Hopefully, my videoconferencing co-attendees will now give me my “props”. ;)
N. Ertt, President
Kardboard Kutouts Who Kare Assn.

Dear Martian/Arcturian Alliance: In comedy, timing is everything. Also in racing. And perhaps more so in dashing-between-whirling-scimitars and such things.
Cuttingly,
Carey A. Scarr

Dear Democratic President Bush from MirrorWorld (Dimension 17): The famous US moon landings decades ago were indeed faked, according to my research (which consists of me suddenly believing that something is true). These so-called landings were actually created on a Hollywood stage set, which, ironically, was constructed on the moon itself. Ironicallyer, the moon itself is fake and is a mere theatrical set constructed on Earth, although Earth itself is actually Mars, which, in my view, reironicallizes the deironicalization of the first premise.
With Gravity,
Ray Gunn
Chairman,
Permanent Alien Invasion Works Program

Dear Giant Vampire Seducer-Fleas from My Mind: I am a nameless thing from a dark pit in the coldest reaches of space. To you, that is. To my friends, well, I am “Sully”. Or sometimes “Tammy”. It’s hard to get exact equivalence when you have to account for language, culture, time, dimension, and purely alien emotions. Speaking of which, I’d like to point out that I am a family man, or woman, or perhaps thing, who consistently nurtures those in my family/harem and who feels something like love/control for them. Further, what to you might look and feel like a black, blasted hellhole in the nether-regions of space looks and feels just like home to me. Now it’s true that I do literally live in an icy, fetid pit on a wandering asteroid somewhere in the Epsilon Quadrant, but I rather like absolute darkness, and bitter cold simply cheers me up. That’s just who I am. So love me, hate me, run screaming from me, but do not disrespect me for being what to you and your kind appears as a shrieking monster from a lunatic’s nightmare. Cthulu had feelings, too, y’know. There is simply too much judgmentalism in this universe, and I speak from tens of thousands of years of experience. And it would be most good to see that sort of reactionary thinking finally fade away from the billions of minds inhabiting the many galaxies, to dissipate like the atmosphere from a leaking ore ship I once encountered, which contained a quite delicious spaceminer. So, now that we’ve had this little talk, prepare to die as I pounce on you and consume your very soul, which shall writhe in torment for eons inside my dank and suffocating mind. But do not take it personally. That’s just how my digestive system works.
Sully/Tammy
Monster from a Space Pit

Dear Voldemort: I’m a polysyllabist — I believe that the lord’s name should have more than one syllable. No offense to anyone at all, of course (or to Any-One-At-All).
Solemnly,
Sol M. Lee

Dear Editor: My name is Peter Jackson, and I filmed both LotR movies: “The Fellowship of the Ring”, and “The Two Towers”. Recently, despite the success of the films, I have come under attack by animal-rights advocates for the treatment of certain creatures used on the set. I would like to state unequivocally right here that absolutely no wargs were harmed during the filming. Further, all wargs used were stunt-wargs, watched closely by warg-handlers. I hope this calms everyone down, and I look forward to everyone enjoying the coming finale, “The Return of the King”. Oh, and one more thing: We did in fact kill the Balrog shown in both the first and second films. We sent that treacherous spawn of Hell right back to the burning, fetid bunghole from whence it came. And we did it proudly and gladly! The bloody things are impossible to control and would have wiped out the whole set and production crew. A side benefit is that the Dwarves are now able to move back into Moria and resume mithril production. So it’s really a win/win!
Magically,
Peter Jackson

Planet Magazine is good at two things: chewing gum and publishing kick-ass science fiction…and we’re all out of bubble gum!

About the Authors

Simon Andrewes (“The Big Bang“) was born in 1945 in Malvern, Worcestershire, more by accident than design. He lives in Granada, Spain, more by design than accident.

Mark Bonica (“John“) is a husband, father, and soldier. He is currently stationed in Honolulu, Hawaii. His poetry has appeared in numerous online and print magazines, including “Impetus”, “Niederngasse”, “Znine”, among others. He is the founder of Imaginaries.org, an online SF writer’s group, and is an assistant poetry editor for “NFG” magazine.

Ray Dangel (Associate Editor and Staff Robot) is a dangerous man at the card table! Now… Go Fish!

Terry Dartnall (“Heavenly Morning“) teaches Artificial Intelligence at Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia. Dr. Dartnall is married with four children and likes rock climbing and red wine. He has published books and papers about human and machine creativity. His website at http://www.cit.gu.edu.au/~terryd has a nice pic of him in the Himalayas last year.

David Ferrett (“Return to Sender“) lives one hour north of Sydney, Australia, in Gosford. He works in IT and has done so for 22 years. David has only just started writing, and in fact this is the third story he has written. David reads lots and lots of books, given his long daily commute, and one day he thought, “‘I can do this”. And here it is.
Website: http://www.users.bigpond.com/dferrett

Marcelo Hipolito (“The Choices We Make“) is 33 years old and lives in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. He has a degree in Cinema, and also in Business Administration.

Marcelo Machado is 35 years old and also lives in Rio de Janeiro.

Marcelo Hipolito wrote and directed two short-length films: “Bom Dia, Cinema” (Good Morning, Cinema) and “O Homem na Escada” (The Man On The Stairs). He produced and edited the short-length film “Saçaricando” (Having Fun).

Marcelo Machado wrote the short-length films “O Corvo e o Vento” (The Crow and the Wind) and “A Dama de Ouro Preto” (The Ouro Preto Lady).

As a team, Marcelo Hipolito & Marcelo Machado developed scripts for both television and cinema. And also the short stories “Weird World: Bats of a Fur”; “Eternal Grief”; “The Unborn”; “R.I.P.”; “The Circle of Life”; and “Home”.

Marcelo Hipolito & Marcelo Machado are currently working on their first novel.

Sean Hower (“A Very Clean Fellow“) isn’t very good at writing bios, as is easily witnessed by his published articles. It’s really quite a shame, considering he is a technical writer who wants to dabble in the world of fiction. You’d think he’d be able to describe himself, or at least provide a bullet list of his most charming traits. The truth is, this little gem was written by the capuchins monkeys who help him on his website. So, don’t blame him if it doesn’t make any sense.
Website: http://hokum.freehomepage.com

Marcelo Machado (“The Choices We Make“) is 35 years old and also lives in Rio de Janeiro.

Marcelo Hipolito is 33 years old and lives in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. He has a degree in Cinema, and also in Business Administration.

Marcelo Hipolito wrote and directed two short-length films: “Bom Dia, Cinema” (Good Morning, Cinema) and “O Homem na Escada” (The Man On The Stairs). He produced and edited the short-length film “Saçaricando” (Having Fun).

Marcelo Machado wrote the short-length films “O Corvo e o Vento” (The Crow and the Wind) and “A Dama de Ouro Preto” (The Ouro Preto Lady).

As a team, Marcelo Hipolito & Marcelo Machado developed scripts for both television and cinema. And also the short stories “Weird World: Bats of a Fur”; “Eternal Grief”; “The Unborn”; “R.I.P.”; “The Circle of Life”; and “Home”.

Marcelo Hipolito & Marcelo Machado are currently working on their first novel.

Michael J. Martineck (“Snuckles“) lives on a tiny island in upstate New York with his patient wife and little girl. His first novel, “The Misspellers”, has just been released from Our Little Secret Press. He’s written short stories (one previously published in Planet Magazine), comic books, advertisements, and other assorted nonsense that will not be of interest until long after he’s won a Nobel Prize for Literature.

Andrew G. McCann (Editor; “Editorial & Letters“) just lies, lies, and lies again, according to his ex-wives’ team of lawyers. However, his lawyer argues that he is more accurately described as “A Lone Genius Who Gilds Drab Reality” and “One Who Lives His Art while Arting His Living” at his girlfriend’s loft (which overlooks the cattle pastures and tobacco fields of midtown Manhattan) during his current project to begin a job search this fall or perhaps in the subsequent spring. This unavoidable complexity also explains why his shoplifting is really an artistic expression/happening that cannot be — and must not be, in a deep and profound world — restrained.
editor@planetmag.com

Tom Olbert (“Inward“) has been published at least two-dozen times in various SF, fantasy, and horror publications in the past six years. His novel “Nexus” is available online from Artemis Creations Publishing.

William Alan Rieser (“Chosen” and “Voiders“), born in New York City, less than 3 miles from the World Trade Center, originally was a musician and spent many years composing, conducting, teaching, and performing music on the East Coast. His earliest writing influences were Tolkien, H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, and Poul Anderson. He is now retired in Fort Worth, Texas, with his wife, Sandra, who edits his writings and doesn’t give him the slightest break on syntax or style, even though he expresses nought but loving thoughts to her. For several years he experimented with short stories for SF/F e-zines but now prefers to concentrate on more developed themes. In this last year, he published “The Kaska Trilogy” and “The Chronicles of Zusalem” via Writers Club Press, an organization associated with iUniverse and Barnes and Noble. His latest novel, “Luna Parabella“, has received a rave review at Amazon.com. Many other novels have been completed and are awaiting publication, such as “Furnace” and “Luna Parabella”. His articles, humorous and serious, are popping up everywhere, especially in his column at scifantastic. Currently, he is working on a mainstream novel and promises a mystery. He enjoys talking to writers, novice or professional, and encourages contact.
Website: http://rieserbooks.homestead.com/rieserbooks.html

William Shumay (“From a Better World Than Yours“) is a 20-year-old amateur poet, physicist, and all-around babe-magnet (all right, he hasn’t exactly gotten around to that last one yet, and hasn’t discovered any new particles or written sonnets to rival Shakespeare, but he does have some gerbils, and they chatter vigorously when he reads his poetry). William enjoys relaxing on sunny, warm days, and taking daily walks beside the ocean, but he can’t do any of that because he lives in northeast Ohio. He makes himself feel better about all this by doing things that he can do alone, in bad weather, like poetry.

E.S. Strout (“Worm Turns“) has been published in small-press print magazines “Crossroads”, “Lovecraft’s Mystery Magazine”, “Fading Shadows”, “Mad Scientist”, and “Millennium Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine”. His stories have also appeared in the Internet publications “Planet Magazine”, “Jackhammer”, “Beyond s-f”, “Millennium SF&F”, and “Demensions”. E.S. Strout is on the faculty of the U.C. Irvine Medical Center, where he teaches skin pathology to dermatology residents.

Joe Vadalma (“Strange Artifact“) is a retired technical writer who used to work for a major computer company. He’s a voracious reader of all kinds of books, but is especially fond of science fiction and fantasy. He’s had the following short stories published in internet e-zines: “The Sands of Time,” Dark Moon Rising, January 2001 issue; “Empty Planet,” Aphelion, Feb. 2002; “Cosmoergy,” Martian Wave, Mar. 2002; “The Key,” Dark Moon Rising, Apr. 2002; “Shadow in the Sky,” Aphelion, Apr. 2002; “Pop-Art Nightmare,” Nocturne Horizons, Jan. 2002; “Absolute Creation,” The Fifth Dimension, June 2002; “Apartment in Clam City,” EOTU, August 2002; “Gunther,” Dark Moon Rising, October 2002; “Count Poperazi”, Swords Edge, Jan. 2003; “Mist and Shadow”, Alternate Realities, Mar. 2003; and “Widget Factory”, Aorfe’s Kiss, Mar. 2003. Joe also has written several novels which are yet to be published. To see more of his writing, visit his website, “The Fantastic World of Papa Joe”.
Website: http://www.geocities.com/papajoev

Thomas Wagner (Associate Editor) does the books for the Alpha Centauri mob. He’s always giving his opinion on stuff that don’t concern him, and that drives Big Sgjoosie crazy. But Tom’s a wizard with finances, and that’s what keeps him employed… and alive.

Lewayne L. White (“Top Ten Reasons“) is a stay-at-home dad who works night jobs where he spends as much time as possible writing, instead of doing what he’s supposed to be doing. In his spare time (he has a 5-year-old and a 2-year-old; he doesn’t really have a “spare” anything) he tries to read and write sci-fi, horror, and mystery fiction. Occasionally, when he gets the chance, he also interacts with his wife. The appearance of this story in Planet Magazine marks his debut as a published writer.

Nancy Wilcox (“Quantum Mechanics“), an avatar of the hereditary overmother of Sagittarius III, is based in this reality in Oil Country. One can, on ritual occasions, spot her worshippers performing “The Dance of The Nervous Aside”. Locals profess to believe these are indigenous Russian Thistles, and ignore the odd gulping sounds — as well as the odor of fried rabbit that drifts through the mesquite and cactus. What a wonderful base this reality is for interstellar conquest. And the rabbit is quite good, too.

Planet Magazine wants to be free.

About the Artists

Anselmo Alliegro (art for “Inward“) gained a scholarship to Parsons School of Design in New York City in 1995. He is a working artist, and has exhibited in galleries and benefits throughout New York. He works with fine art and science fiction art. Anselmo has been drawing since he could hold a pencil, and has loved science just as long. A sample of his paintings can be seen at: http://www.geocities.com/ajalliegro/.

Greg Brotherton (artwork for cover) had a potential career as a scientist and mathematician shattered by undiagnosed A.D.D. He lost his focus on the educational system by the age of 15 and ended up in art school. In 1987 he graduated from the Colorado Art Institute as its youngest graduating student, obtaining his Bachelor’s Degree in commercial design at the age of 19. The inception of computer graphics, information globalization, advances in affordable welding equipment, and the proliferation of establishments where you could purchase a 44 oz. soda drove Greg into a wide variety of emerging and established design fields. Forgetting to eat and going without sleep for days at a time, Greg lived in industrial parks bouncing between Print Design, Robotics, Animation, Industrial Design, Manufacturing, Sculpting, Special Effects, Illustration, Writing, and repeated trips to the 7-11 for more soda. In late 1997 he abandoned his industrial lifestyle, moved to Los Angeles, and married. He now has a permanent home/lab with his wife, Amy, in Venice, California, where he makes his living as a freelance designer for print, television, and film. His clients include Disney, Lucas Film, Time Warner, Mcfarlain Entertainment, Applause, Panasonic, The Film Foundation, MTV, Ben Stiller, Playboy, and many others. The sculptures that crawl forth from Greg’s machine shop/studio are meticulously crafted hybrids of myth and machine. A trend of behavioral robotics in his work promises to make his creations some of the most fascinating and potentially dangerous sculptures ever to loom over unsuspecting gallery visitors.
Website: http://www.brotron.com/

Robert Castillo (art for “Quantum Mechanics“) is an award-winning illustrator who has been drawing since the age of five. He is the oldest of six boys. He was born in New York and raised in the Dominican Republic. In 1977 he returned to the United States, and in 1979 Robert won the prestigious Scholastic Achievement Award and was featured in a National book with the likes of Norman Rockwell. He attended The Art Institute of Boston, where he Graduated with Honors and received The Illustrator of The Year Award. Currently Robert is pursuing a Master’s Degree in Computer Animation at The School of Visual Arts MFACA. Currently, Robert is Storyboard and Conceptual Artist for The Department of Film, founded by Director Nick Quested, who has worked with P. Diddy and Dr. Dre. Department of Film has been in existence for a little over a year and has already completed one feature film, 50 music videos (many which have ranked No. 1 on various video charts). Nominated for two 2001 Billboard Awards, D.O.F’s current slate includes two documentaries and a second motion picture set to be shot in China. The Department of Film will be producing “Kung Fu Theatre” for Mandalay Entertainment / DreamworksPictures — a $20 million film starring Marlon Wayans and produced by Oscar-winning producer A. Kitman Ho (“Born on the 4th of July”, “Wall Street”, “The Doors”, “Platoon”).
Website: http://robertcastillo_3.tripod.com/

Ehrad (art for “Chosen“, “The Choices We Make,” “Voiders“, and “Worm Turns“) is a long time photo-retoucher with several passions in life… space art, mysticism, gardening, family, and cartooning. The cartooning aspect of her life is at present an all-consuming fire, and she is currently exploring the concept of “wholeness” through a tribal sci-fi comic called ERADUON, due to be published online in early 2003. Aside from all of the other craziness that is her existence, she still maintains an enormous love for all life forms, and has set about the task of knitting the universe together into the diverse mosaic that it truly is.

Emily M. Hanson (art for “From a Better World Than Yours” and “Return to Sender“) is interested in reading science fiction and fantasy novels (by writers such as J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Brooks, Robert Jordan, Terry Goodkind, and J.V. Jones), playing computer games and chess and other strategic games, and writing poems and short stories. She enjoys computer programming and web design and is currently looking for work in IT.
Website: http://www.starbase-eprime.us

Romeo Esparrago (Chief Artist Emeritus; artwork for cover logo) grew up on Mars but cannot speak Martian — or any other language! He also carries around 14 cans of peaches in his mouth at one time! No one knows why, or if these two facts are somehow linked.
Website: http://www.romedome.com/

Mike “Warble” Finucane (art for “Heavenly Morning“) is an artist who works with fantasy art mostly, but can do science fiction, as
well. He has been published in Christian Fantasy and Science Fiction Magazine, and can do futuristic formats in art. He has also been published in Psychology Art Journals.
Website: http://www.geocities.com/artofwarble/

Rebecca Kemp (art for “A Very Clean Fellow“) has always loved science and nature. She’s always had pets, and says that those of us who have grown up with them know you learn so much from them. She’s also always loved space (y’know, the big black stuff up there when the big bright thing goes away…). When she was very little, she used to study the stars and planets. She found out about constellations and the mythological stories behind them. When she found that a lot of it pertained to animals — BINGO! — that’s when the love for fantasy and wildlife bloomed. In her family she has an artistic mother, father, and grandmother — so the ability gallops through her heritage. (Her brother got all the business sense — y’know, left-brainers?) Becky started at a very young age drawing and painting. She was encouraged by her family when she was little, but by the time college rolled along, more “practical” considerations had to be made. It was the old “You can’t make any money from Fine Arts” that prevented her from accepting a scholarship to Mass. Art in Boston. Bummer!! Instead she went to Fitchburg State as a psychology major. It came as no surprise that she later switched majors to graphic design. However, even this was too technical for her, so she switched again. She transferred to U. Mass Lowell and took Fine Art. That’s when the money ran out. So she has six years of college with no degree. BUT she now make gobs of dough designing web sites and scorning the clients who adore her. Go figure. Becky currently works full time at home in lovely Londonderry, New Hampshire, rendering custom work and designing web sites. Current hobbies include fencing, karate, and role-playing.
Website: http://www.wildlife-fantasy.com

Andrew G. McCann (art for secret page — you’ll have to find it) is in very good company on this page.

Matt Morrow (art for “John“) received a bachelor’s degree in fine arts from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln in 1994. Since then, he has worked as a prepress technician in the printing industry and later moved on to creating editorial illustrations full time for a national computer magazine. Currently, he is pursuing a freelance career and has worked on a variety of projects including package art, advertising, Web icons, and fantasy illustrations.
Website: www.tconl.com/~mz9000/

Patrick Stacy (art for “Snuckles“), like many before, started young. His main emphasis in childhood was in comics. Never content, the challenge was then to illustrate freehand — now that would be talent. Early influences are still inspirational today, such as the legendary Frazetta, Vallejo, and Parrish. Classical influences were Rubens and Caravaggio. Stacy was winner of the L.Ron Hubbard’s Illustrators of the Future contest in 1996 and has two illustrations within the volume.

Charles H. Tyler, IV (art for “Strange Artifact “) likes to create art.
Website: http://members.bellatlantic.net/~vze3c5qd/

Zac Lowing (art for “Top Ten Reasons Not to Sweat the End of the Worl-“) is a computer graphics artist, inventor, writer, and much more. The second renaissance is here… be there…
Website: http://www.angelfire.com/il2/zvr/

Dale D. Ziemianski (art for “The Big Bang“) is inspired by his personal studies in evolution, anthropology, and earth sciences. He’s read very little sci-fi or fantasy…Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, maybe one book out of the Chronicles of Amber, Brave New World….but his lack of influence from the Sci-Fi/Fantasy genre, he believes, keeps him from cranking out standard subject matter and allows his work to remain fresh and original. He just don’t have time to read novels. But there was a time he got addicted to science books: Broca’s Brain, Dragons of Eden, and books by Stephen Hawking. Dragons of Eden was a real help in understanding how to use the brain as a tool and in understanding what makes us think the way we do as a result of our evolution. Other books on human evolution, the migration of humans around the world, and particularly how humans adapted to different environments not only helped Dale in understanding how to create psychological effects in his art, but also gave him an understanding of life, the world, and our place in it. Science has basically become his religion. Dale developed his own artistic technique and media. Since no one uses Tempera Paint and Prismacolor Pencil, he’s mostly self taught…though he did get a year in at Columbus College of Art and Design in 1977-78. He’s always been better with pencil than paint. This medium gives him the best effects of both, without the toxic effects of oils and the permanence and finality of acrylics and watercolors. The colored pencil can even be erased from the tempera paint if he’s not happy with the results, and the tempera paint can be dampened to blend in more color if he likes. His Lesson No. 1 on his website maps out that technique in some detail. Dale started out with, and continues to do, portraits from photographs. He’s been published: some interior book illustrations, CD covers, ANALOG cover (September,1998)…and in 1995 he won the L. Ron Hubbard Illustrators of the Future Gold Award. He’s also won numerous awards in Gaming Convention Artshow, some of which are noted on various Convention websites you can find when you key his name in Google. He’s done lots of ads and T-shirts and logo designs, too…but fantasy and sci-fi are his greatest loves. Dale currently sell prints of his work through gaming convention art auctions and of his anthropomorphic art on FurBid. He also does Phantasy Portraits…where he can paint the subject in any fantasy or sci-fi scene imaginable.
Website: http://daledziemianski.freeservers.com

Real Fremen Don’t Eat Quiche, Unless It’s Melange Quiche.

About this Magazine (Masthead)

Planet Magazine, Vol. 10, No. 2 (the 38th issue)

Home Site: http://www.planetmag.com

Mirror Site: http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet

Lord Wizard
Andrew G. McCann
editor@planetmag.com

Exalted Ornamentalist
Romeo Esparrago

Royal Scrivener and Staff Robot
Ray Dangel

Bard of the Empire
Tom Wagner

What In The World Is Planet Magazine?
Planet Magazine is the free, award-winning quarterly Web-zine of short science fiction and fantasy by emerging writers and digital artists, whom we hope to encourage in their pursuit of the perfect tale or illustration. There could be other reasons we’re doing this, of course, motivations that are obscure and uncomfortable; instincts linked perhaps to primal, nonreasoning urges regarding power and procreation — the very same forces, no doubt, that sank the Atlanteans and their alabaster-towered oceanic empire. And the Dark Gods laffed.

Planet has been available electronically via the World-Wide Web (see the clickable links at the top of this page) and Tin-Foil-Hat Receptron since January 1, 1994. Total circulation is “thousands ‘n’ thousands” per issue worldwide. Feel free to download this zine or make a single printout, as long as you don’t charge for it or alter it in any way. That would be illegal and “not nice.” Submissions are welcomed (see below). Planet does not carry advertising or offer a subscription service, but issues are always available at our Web site, with new ones published every March 1, June 1, September 1, or December 1 (or thereabouts). Letters to the editor are encouraged and are likely to be printed.

Guidelines For Submissions
Planet accepts original, unpublished short science fiction and fantasy stories and poems, as well as digital art, from anyone famous or unfamous (use the lengths in any recent issue as a guideline). We are open to the experimental but will not publish anything we judge to be porno, gore, or in violation (as far as we are able to tell) of any copyrights (such as stories that use Star Trek, Star Wars, or Babylon 5 characters). Since Planet is free and carries no ads, we can’t pay anything except the spirit-sustaining currency of free publicity and life-enhancing good vibes. For full details on submitting stories, poems, or artwork, please visit:
http://www.planetmag.com/submit.htm.

* E-mail text submissions as plain, unformatted files (either as an e-mail attachment or, if short enough, in the body of the e-mail message) to editor@planetmag.com. One submission at a time, please. Two submissions max.

* E-mail illustration submissions separately as e-mail attachments, but Stuff or Zip them first. Alternatively, you could send the URL for an image, and we can go look at it. Images should be 256-color, 16-color, 16-gray, or B&W GIFs or JPEGs only. Send any questions about illustrations to editor@planetmag.com.

Distribution Sites
Planet Magazine is distributed only in Web (HTML) format, which can be read best with any version 3.0 or above Web browser, such as Netscape Navigator, Internet Explorer, Opera, NeoPlanet, iCab, or OmniWeb. Earlier issues of Planet are also available at our Web site in four other electronic formats: text (.txt) for any PC or Mac word-processing program; Acrobat (.pdf), a full-color version for PC or Mac using the free Acrobat Reader); DocMaker, a full-color, self-running file with sounds for Mac only; and Palm (.prc), a text version that requires a Palm PDA and a DOC reader like the freeware CSpotRun. The main place to find Planet is on the Web, either at our home page http://www.planetmag.com or our mirror site http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet.

Copyrights & Disclaimers
Planet Magazine as a whole, including all text, design, and illustrations, is copyright © 2003 by Andrew G. McCann. However, all individual stories and poems in this magazine are copyright © 2003 by their respective authors or artists, who have granted Planet Magazine the right to use these works for this issue in both electronic form and any resulting print-outs by readers for noncommercial, individual use. All people and events portrayed in this magazine are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to actual people or events. This publication, along with every past issue of Planet Magazine, is registered with the Copyright Office of the U.S. Library of Congress. Since our first issue, dated January 1994, Planet Magazine has been freely available via the Internet and has consistently used the names “Planet Magazine”, “PlanetZine”, “PlanetMag,” and “McCann’s Planet Magazine” to refer to itself. You may freely distribute this magazine electronically on a noncommercial, nonprofit basis to anyone and print one copy for your personal use, but you may not alter or excerpt Planet in any way without direct, written permission from the publisher, who can be contacted at editor@planetmag.com. Any unauthorized access, reproduction, or transmission of Planet Magazine, in whole or part, is strictly prohibited by U.S. federal law and international copyright law. Planet Magazine is published by Cranberry Street Press, Garden City, N.Y., USA, Andrew G. McCann, publisher.

Colophon
This issue was created with Macromedia Dreamweaver 4.0. The Planet Magazine logo was designed by Romeo A. Esparrago, Jr., using “Startling” by Dave Bastian, at http://www.davebastian.com/. (Previous logotypes were in Arquitectura and Times New Roman). The text typeface is Arial, and in some older issues Helvetica or Geneva. Please visit the guest artists’ Web pages to learn about the tools they used for their illustrations. Each issue of Planet Magazine is carefully checked for uniform levels of irrelevancy in all 17.8 known and 24.2 unknown universes.

Planet Magazine ISSN: 1526-1840

“Planet Magazine” is registered with the U.S. Copyright Office