Smooth Sailing for Transoceanic Trucking

These are seemingly dark days in the transoceanic trucking industry. The seas are as deep and gloomy as they’ve ever been. Lotsa truck cabs are unheated and unpressurized, and they typically crumple under the pressure of even one aquasphere. More important, the goods being transported get wet, and flatter, even if they were wet and flat to begin with. So it’s harder than normal to retain drivers, much less good ones, as they usually don’t last for much more than one leg of an underseas road trip.

So will the transoceanic trucking industry simply sink like a stone, or perhaps dry up?

Not so, retort aqua-trucking scientists, perhaps a bit too loudly. They recently have developed a retrofitting method that removes the tires and seals the undercarriages of these trucks and adds a propeller in back. As a result, the vehicles actually can “float” and move about on the surface of the water, rather than crawl along the rutted and barnacle-encrusted seabed highways, past the brooding and spell-cursed ruins of Atlantis and the sleeping tomb of Cthulu and his many wives. They call this new method the BOuyant Advanced Truck System, or “BOATS”.

Well, glad that’s settled.

So, what’s next on the agenda for these scientific saviors of wheeled transoceanic commerce? Quite simply, they’re taking on a much more complicated task: the transatlantic and transpacific railroad industry!

The obvious solution, they acknowledge, is to create larger BOATS, rather than waste time figuring out how to make the rails float. But they also think there may be a way to add birdlike “wings” to the BOATS and move the propellers to the front. This could allow the BOATS to actually lift up and move through the air — an approach they are thinking of calling JETS or maybe PLANES, but the big stumbling block has been figuring out what those acronyms stand for. A UN committee is currently working on it, and until that’s finalized some day in the far, far future, History herself shall have to wait.

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