Planet Magazine No. 35

Originally published as Planet Magazine No. 35 (September 2002) on the classic Planet Magazine site.

Planet Magazine

September Quarter 2002 * Issue No. 35 (Vol. 9, No. 3)
Wild Science Fiction & Fantasy on the Web — Since 1994
Price: 1 Bar of Gold-Plated Gelatin
to Pass Through This SF Portal

Painting of giant long-legged walking machines landing among robed figures in a golden desert
Cover illustration: “Orgaton Landing” by Matt Gaser

Table of Contents

Editorial & Letters · About the Authors · About the Artists · About this Magazine

Stories

Poems

Editorial & Letters


Planet says: The Internet sure was great while it lasted!

Colonel of Truth

Over the years a small-but-zealous personality cult has developed around me, the mysterious editor of Planet Magazine, of whom no known accurate likeness exists, except for the Face on Mars. Such hero worship is an inevitable consequence of the perfection of Planet Magazine combined with the natural curiosity that surrounds my Salinger-esque desires to remain hidden in the background and to let my published words speak for themselves. But perhaps this admiration is the simple result of my personal greatness unavoidably leaking out and captivating readers with its deliciousness. So, to satisfy the constant demands for more information about me, I have decided to introduce myself fully to my growing fan base.

Here goes:

My full name is Col. Andrew G. McCann. And I am now reaching out to you, my dependable and trustworthy readers, hopefully of foreign nations, to provide you with information about me. But here I will also make a request that may seem strange and unsolicited — yet I crave your indulgence and pray that you view it seriously. I am one of the close aides to the former president of the Super Civilization of Airegin Major, which dominates the surface of the Planet Xaoh. Bless the memory of President Ognoc, and may his soul rest in peace.

Due to the military campaign to force out the mind-enhanced Altairian rebels on my planet, I and some of my governmental colleagues in the Airegin Ministry of Truth were essentially instructed by the late Ognoc, whom we accidentally killed, by the way, to go to Earth to purchase arms, legs, and ammunition worth twenty-million, five-hundred-thousand Gold-Plated Latinum bars. However, since Gold-Plated Latinum bars are copyrighted by Paramount Pictures, we converted these bars into United States Dollars, equaling US$20,500,000.00 (very conveniently, the exchange rate is 1:1 right now) at the American Express office in the capital city of Airegin, known as Srekcus. We intend to use this dollar-based hoard to fight the Altairian rebel group from our planned beachfront-condo headquarters in your Bermuda, using Plantraco Miniature Tracked Vehicles (http://www.plantraco.com) modified for our native planet in conjunction with a yet-to-be-constructed wireless deep-space-based signal-amplifying system to carry our commands. Our sales reps at Worldcom tell us this network should be up and running “very soon”.

After we were indirectly given this money privately by Ognoc, without his knowledge or the knowledge of other Cabinet Members (since how could they know anything if they were all accidentally killed earlier that day?), he unfortunately found out about the money by walking in on our celebration in the Palace Cafeteria. Ognoc was then quickly killed in a bloody shoot-out committed by the guns we were holding — guns that we later sentenced to Death by Melting for their crimes. However, before we were able to travel off-planet to Bermuda and take possession of our new HQ, the Altairian rebels gained much ground around the capital city, or else took over the only functional launchpad that remained in our hands, or something like that, whatever sounds more believable to you, and we immediately decided to put the funds into a private security company here on the planet Airegin for safe-keeping.

In view of this, we need a trustworthy and impulsive foreign partner to assist us in moving this money off-planet. We have sufficient contacts here and on Earth to move the funds under diplomatic cover in your name, although, granted, that seems to make no sense since diplomatic baggage does not pass through normal custom/airport screening and clearance, so why do we need your name, and how could your Nobody Status possibly carry any weight with any officials anywhere? Still, there it is. And we’ll also need your bank account number, home address, and Social Security (or equivalent) number.

Our inability to move this money off-planet is based on our lack of trust in our supposed good friends in the government who suddenly became hostile following the abrupt deaths of those around them after meeting with us and the coincident disappearance of a large amount of funds from the Planetary Treasury. As loyal readers of Planet Magazine, however, we anticipate your sincere assistance, and we note that this deal has absolutely no risk in it (in the strict sense that the letters “r”, “i”, “s”, and “k” do not appear in the word “deal”).

For no particular reason, I must use this opportunity and medium to implore you to exercise the utmost indulgence to keep your mouth extraordinarily shut about our offer. Whatever your decision, we await your prompt response this very day. Thank you and God Bless.

Oh, and one more thing: please send us 100,000 U.S. Dollars as an e-mail attachment to show your good faith.

And if you’re strangely not interested in the above deal, please note that we also sell a Viagra-like substance that we will FedEx to you overnight for as little as US$69 per 10 tablets! You can also smoke this substance to obtain a legal “high”.

I hope you enjoyed reading about me. Ognoc (may his bullet-ridden soul rest in peace) knows I enjoyed writing it!

Ministry of Truthfully,
Col. Andrew G. McCann, Editor
July 2002

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor: Jean Marie Stine, former editor of Starblaze Editions and Galaxy magazine, is editing, under the Futures-Past Classics imprint, a series of classic science fiction and fantasy novels for release in e-book form. Please see my Web site for more information.
Jean Marie Stine
Futures-Past Classics
http://www.geocities.com/fpclassics/catalog.html

Dear Editor: Just thought we would drop you a line and let you know that we’ve placed a link in our Web site to yours… hope this will encourage more readers your way….
Blue Skies,
Steven Macon
Otherworlds Sci-Fi / The Connectionhttp://www.otherworldsscifi.com

Dear Editor: I was published in Planet No. 32, “Open Twenty-Four Hours” (http://www.planetmag.com/pm32/24hours.html) and in Planet No. 34, “New York Minute” (http://www.planetmag.com/pm34/newyork.html) and wanted to let you know that my story, “Lair of the Lesbian Love Goddess” is scheduled to appear in Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s new anthology, “Lowport”, to be published by Meisha Merlin Books and released September 2003 at Worldcon. In the nonfiction world, my article “Setting the Tone, the Art Techniques of Schelly Keefer” was accepted for the November edition of Pastel Journal http://www.pasteljournal.com/. That’s a lucky seven (plus one nonfiction) publications for me, and I’m sending out my thanks to all those who have either helped me with publications or advice, particularly Andy McCann and Planet Magazine. I hope your readers will pick up the book, too, if they get the chance.
Kind Regards,
Edward McKeown

Dear Editor: A new fantasy market is available at www.sintrigue.org. This is a nonpaying market, publishing fantasy fiction (including serials) up to 15,000 words.
Thanks,
SDO

Dear Editor: Muse It has been closed for almost a year now, but will reopen on January 1, 2003. I am soliciting for submissions until then. If you will spread the news about this solicitation I will be grateful.
Thanks,
Ritch Daviswww.museit.com

Dear Editor:The First issue of “Night Shopping” (http://www.geocities.com/nightshopping/) is now on sale. It runs $4.50 an issue in the US and that includes shipping. Issue one features fiction from Stoker-winning author Brian Keene, Greg Gifune, Eric S. Brown, and more, including art from Mark Mclaughlin.
Eric S. Brown

Dear Editor: I created the cover art for your last issue and wanted to announce that I will be taking on the role of technical editor and writer for Renderosity Magazine. So please keep your peepers peeled for future issues coming soon to your favourite book store. I also created the cover art for the Science Fiction Anthology (Published by Tor Books)… also coming soon to a bookstore near you. I am also busy finishing off the cover for a collection of short stories by Mason Powell, titled “Telling Lies About the Wolves”
Kenn Brownhttp://www.kontent-online.com/

Dear Editor: Just checked out your site and wondered whether you might like to check out one from the other side of the pond? Keep up the good work.
Jonathanwww.concatenation.org

Letters to Secret Societies

Dear Rosicrucians: Because your Hotmail account has exceeded the 2 MB storage limit, your account size is now critical, and you may not be receiving all of your spam. Therefore, you must take one of the following actions: 1. Increase your storage limit, or 2. Increase your storage limit. If you do not take action within the next five days, some of your spam will be automatically deleted by the Hotmail Janitor, Mr. Svensson, who is quite a cranky old man, as he lives in the Hotmail HQ’s basement next to the boiler, which is going full blast even during the summer. Once these spams to you are deleted, they cannot be recovered. We strongly recommend that you upgrade, for just $19.95 plus taxes per year, to a 10 MB Hotmail Account, which will allow you to receive even larger spam messages from e-mail marketers (although no doubt they will soon fill up that 10MB, and you’ll have to upgrade to your 30MB account, and so on! Oh, well, what can ya do.). Think about it: Why spend hours wading through spam to find the occasional worthwhile e-mail messages from people you actually know, when you can spend HOURS and HOURS of your precious life trudging through, and deleting, even greater volumes of fraudulent and criminally offensive messages. Remember, the days of the free Internet are over, and we at Microsoft believe that You’re Going to Have to Pay a Lot for the Privilege of Receiving Spam from the E-Mail Marketers to Whom We Sell Your Personal Information! And you can take that clunky service-marked phrase to the bank! (We certainly will.) Finally, here is a tip for reducing the size of your Hotmail account: Close your Hotmail account. Oh wait, we don’t allow that. Guess you’d better pay for the upgrade.
Regards,
Steve Ballmer, President
Microsoft

Dear Freemasons: I’m ready to take the Internet to the next level of e-commerce! Starting today, my new Web site, whose URL I will have forgotten to put into this letter, mainly because I’m fictional anyway, will start selling shipping fees directly to consumers. That’s right, I’ve gone completely virtual. I’ve dispensed with the actual products, which involve all those annoying constraints of the physical world, and I’m selling only the shipping fees themselves. That means, once you pay us with your credit card via PayPal, we deliver nothing. The delivery process itself, in a sense, is occurring, or could be considered to be occurring, so you are being provided with a service, or so my lawyers have told me to say. Conveniently, though, nothing is actually delivered, physically or electronically. Not even an e-mail receipt. So you don’t need to check your e-mail and you don’t even need to be home. No more arriving at your front door after work to see a big yellow Post-It from UPS telling you that they could not leave your latest Wizards of the Coast paperback because you weren’t home! And to sweeten the deal further, for a limited time there is free shipping on all of our shipping fees! (Please note that the shipping fees themselves are not free.)
E-Regards,
Hugh Chripoff

Dear New Order of the Golden Dawn: Did you ever notice that the Supreme Court judges never remove their robes in public? That’s because if they did, anyone would be able to see that the robes are empty, and then the Nine Riders would be forced to mount their undead steeds and hightail it back to Mordor.
Sincerely,
Baggins & Son
Attorneys-at-Law and Ringbearers

Dear Theosophists: I have a riddle for you. What do you get when you mix graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows with the leader of the human rebels in “The Matrix”? The answer is: S’Morpheus. And now that you have heard this joke, you are a slave to its power. Like everyone else who has heard it, you are in bondage, a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind… Unfortunately, no one can be untold this joke. You have to forget it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You eat the bleu cheeseburger, the joke ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You eat the red-hot chili pepper, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes…. Remember, all I’m offering is a series of excruciatingly bad jokes, nothing more… Follow me…
Via Your BrainPort,
A. Poc

Dear Neo-Gurdjieffians: I am the author of “Who’s NOT on First?”, an existential sketch that was an important part of the Anti-Comedy Comedy Movement. The goal of this movement was to be completely unfunny yet retain an audience. It was an excellent training ground for my current job as editor of a free science fiction e-zine. Kirk out.
Once Again Via Your BrainPort,
A. Poc

Dear Illuminati: Ahhhh, yes. Tatooine… Land of Sand! Desert World! Silica Shangri-La! The Poor Man’s Dune… How I regret blowing it up. But what could I do? Those damnable, smelly little Jawas. Next time they’ll think twice before blocking my space yacht with their leaking, rusting sandcrawlers! Not that there will be a next time.
Baron Pier A. Pantts
The Emperor’s Official Weak, Evil Nephew

Dear Trilateral Commission: I have the ability to perceive future events — for example, I predict that within the next several weeks, a computer “white-hat” hacker, acting alone, and probably living in Finland, will discover a serious security flaw in Microsoft software, most likely Internet Explorer or Outlook, but possibly any of its server-related software. I further predict that within several days after that, Microsoft will issue a software patch that will appear to address the problems. Yes, my powers are amazing, indeed. Yet the fools in the media still refuse to hound me! Well, gotta run. ‘Cause ya know, like Tom Cruise said, everyone runs.
Cheers,
Minn “Orr” I.T. Rapport

Dear Bohemian Club: I am a Jedi who is writing to you from inside Part XII of the Star Wars saga. From your perspective, this is a not-yet-filmed movie from the future that will use such high-tech digitization methods that the movie itself becomes alive and is essentially free to move throughout time and space. Hence my ability to e-mail you. I just wanted you and your readers to know that with this e-mail the movie has now bled into real life in your space-time continuum. There is very little you can do about it, and as Star Wars fans you probably wouldn’t want to, anyway! Still, we Knights will do our best to defend you from the wily ways of the Dark Side. As always, The Jedi Are Redi!
Signed With a Laser Pen,
Boba Skywalker II
Jedi Knight

Dear Men In Black: I believe there is a huge conspiracy going on, involving thousands of people, and I am here to expose it for the first time. Apparently, there is an “Internet within the Internet” being deployed and regularly used. No, I’m not talking about Internet 2, the high-speed network for academic and military usage — we already know all about that conspiracy. Here’s what I’m talking about: Many times, when I am out walking or shopping, I overhear people discussing “the Innernet” (i.e., The Inner Net), which I can only conclude is a “secret Internet” being created for unknown, nefarious purposes. Frankly, I’m surprised that down here in the Southern U.S. so many of my fellow Americans would be caught up in this tangled Web of deceit known as “The Innernet”.
Anonymously,
“Condor2”

Dear New York City Nightclubbers: In my experience, repulsor rays are a two-edged sword (not literally, of course). I am a single guy who likes to hang out in bars, which can get quite lonely, but the problem is that my repulsor ray keeps going off all the time! At least, I think it’s my repulsor ray that’s going off. I’m not really sure what it is. However, on the plus side, the repulsor ray also keeps away my enemies, I guess.
Regards,
I. “Ron” Mann

Dear Blue Oyster Cult: I have a real Yen right now for some Japanese currency! Which is great, as one unit of my desires is currently trading at 1:1 parity with Japan’s monetary unit on the Anything Exchange, much like the current exchange rate for Gold-Plated Latinum/U.S. Dollar, as noted in the editorial at the top of this page.
Bye,
Forr N.X. Chaynge

Dear Editors: If you ever wander accidentally by Medusa’s cave and happen to catch her attention, my best advice, other than I hope you remembered to bring a mirror, which isn’t really advice, is to drop your pants and make the goofiest facial expression you can. That way, although you’ve been turned to stone, you will be mooning and leering at her for an eternity outside her cave entrance. It’s vengeance of a sort.
All the Best,
Faye Bull

Remember, the benefits of reading Planet are immeasurable! (And you can take that either way.)

About the Authors

Spencer Bagley (“Ducks, Herrings, and Paper Hats“) lives in Utah and shares his house with a spiffy custom-built computer. He enjoys reading and writing silly science fiction, messing around with image-editing software, and playing computer games. But who doesn’t?

Christian R. Bonawandt (“Death by a Salesman”) lives on Long Island, has his head in the clouds, and writes fiction that goes everywhere, occasionally visiting Earth.

Christopher Clagg (“Forever and Ever“) lives in central Florida and works in retail these days, having retired from University work. He and his wife Beatrix have three sons, Ryan, who is now married and a new father at 22, Evan who is now a teenager at 13, and Dylan aged 10, who is preparing for the jump to Middle school after next year. Interests and hobbies include reading, writing, painting, sculpting, playing guitar, and listening to jazz and electronic synthesized music. As well as losing the ocassional game of chess to the computer, just for fun. :)

Ray Dangel (Associate Editor and Staff Robot) seldom is seen at his desk. Most often he must be rousted out of the Planet restroom. When challenged, he replies, “Well, I was just resting, boss. Isn’t that what restrooms are for? You dine in a dining room, right? So the sign on the door says ‘Restroom’ and that’s what I do there. The fact that I do this quite often may be attributed to my desire to always be as fresh and energetic as possible so my work output won’t suffer from fatigue. I’ve been considering asking for my own stall with a combination lock to avoid those occasions when I enter the restroom and discover all of the recharging stations occupied. How about it, Boss?” And he says those exact words every time.

Romeo Esparrago (Editorialius Hippocampus Ignoramus, “Devour“) has a favorite color… Green. Because it’s the color of money. Green with envy. Green to the gills. Like recruits. The color he gets when he’s sick to his stomach. Like the Incredible Hulk. Like that tea. Like those fellas from Barsoom. Because it’s the color of his blood which makes his skin turn that shade of. Because he’s really J’onn J’onnz, Manhunter from Mars.

Brian C. Fadrosh (“The Staff of J’leyth“) is a 30-year-old writer living in a very small town named Topton, Pennsylvania. His work has been published in Lost Worlds Magazine (one of his latest, which will be appearing in the summer issue) and the 1996 and 1999 Dan River Anthologies. Brian is married to the most wonderful woman he has ever known (who broke his heart nearly 13 years ago when he was young and silly and is the main reason he’s decided to return to the state of his birth), and his wonderful step-son reminds him every day of his life why writing is so wonderful (he’s five and already has started editing Brian’s work) and is anxiously awaiting another son, who should be born some time at the end of September (he is the only person who could have gotten me to talk to someone’s belly). Brian recently began working on his first serious attempt with a novel, and also trying his hand at an illustrated children’s novel.

Greg Guerin (“Sweet-Pea“) is 27 and lives in Adelaide, South Australia, where he is studying for a PhD in evolutionary biology. The main problem with this is that he can rarely remove his thoughts completely from science fiction and get on with it! Greg has been published several times previously on the Web, in Steelcaves and Aphelion.

Richard Larson (“Flames of Felidon“) has been writing all his life, but has only been submitting stories for a little over a year. He has two short stories forthcoming in “The Storyteller”, and his fantasy chapbook entitled “The Travelers” was published last year by Undaunted Press. For more information, see his Web site at http://www.sff.net/people/rlarson.

Justin R. Lawfer (“The Captive“) is a student at Edgewood College in Madison, WI. His work has appeared on http://dragonlaugh.freeyellow.com, http://www.palaceofreason.com, http://www.pegasusonline.com, and http://www.Spacerat.co.uk. He is a fan of giant monster movies, Monty Python, and fantasy stories.

Michael Liska (“A Boquet of Demons for Diane“) lives in New Brunswick, N.J., and is afraid of the dark. He has been published in a couple of places, and not published in others. He likes to think about buildings, and robots. He can be e-mailed at , or called on the telephone if you know his number and the phone company has turned it back on.

Ed Lynskey’s (“Houdini’s Locksmith“) work has appeared in such online venues as Twilight Times, Quantum Muse, Dark Dungeon, Strange Horizons, Chiaroscuro, and Pulp and Dagger.

Andrew G. McCann (“Editorial & Letters“, “Interview With a Psychic Vampire“, Editor), like all personae, is based on a true story. Here are the few facts we’ve been able to confirm under the U.S. Freedom of Infotainment Act: Mr. McCann was raised by Jibba the Hut, twin sister of Jabba and former wife of The A-Team’s Mr. T, who, like her brother and her ex-husband, was a midget Sand Worm from Tatooine (or, in English, “Dune”). When young Master McCann grew older he joined the Rebels and later killed his step-uncle Jabba in an unintentional fist fight over some woman, or trinket, or something. Faced with the enormous, rotting carcass of his step-uncle, the possibility that his alleged crime would be discovered by the Tatooine Gendarmerie, and needing income after the Rebels dishonorably discharged him for surreptious editing of a free SF zine while supposedly on Royal guard duty, the now-Laird McCann (an honorific purchased via eBay that’s much cheaper than the exalted “then-Laird” title) opened the first Pizza Jabba-the-Hut, featuring his special “Jabbaroni” Topping and “Hut-Stuffed” Crust. This initial store soon grew into the wildly successful pizza chain known throughout the galaxy under slightly varying names, but all featuring the exact same ingredients.
editor@planetmag.com

Hathno Paige (Whereabouts Unknown) is stockpiling raisins, which unbeknownst to most Humans (except Planet readers) are the advanced guard of the Planet Magazine-funded alien invasion force. He is also incrementally filling large vats in his basement with retail samples of Visine (as buying wholesale might invite federal scrutiny); once the raisins are dunked in Visine on Invasion Eve, they’ll instantly expand and activate into life-sized bolo-troopers, who are pseudo-holographic troopers that fight with laser-guided bolos. Seemed like a good idea on a paper, by the way. Read more about the coming invasion of your world in the special October 31 “Your Earth is Our Earth” one-page issue of Planet Magazine. Now we will take a moment to remember all of our raisin comrades-in-arms who have given their lives to the ignorant Humans who consume raisins in any form — may those evil bipeds drink Visine! And may our raisin brothers and sisters’ sacrifice be long remembered in the Halls of Tork!

William Alan Rieser (“The Blue Cabukhy” and “The Needs of the Many“), born in New York City, less than 3 miles from the World Trade Center, originally was a musician and spent many years composing, conducting, teaching, and performing music on the East Coast. His earliest writing influences were Tolkien, H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, and Poul Anderson. He is now retired in Fort Worth, Texas, with his wife, Sandra, who edits his writings and doesn’t give him the slightest break on syntax or style, even though he expresses nought but loving thoughts to her. For several years he experimented with short stories for SF/F e-zines but now prefers to concentrate on more developed themes. In this last year, he published “The Kaska Trilogy” and “The Chronicles of Zusalem” via Writers Club Press, an organization associated with iUniverse and Barnes and Noble. His latest novel, “Luna Parabella“, has received a rave review at Amazon.com. Many other novels have been completed and are awaiting publication, such as “Furnace” and “Luna Parabella”. His articles, humorous and serious, are popping up everywhere, especially in his column at scifantastic. Currently, he is working on a mainstream novel and promises a mystery. He enjoys talking to writers, novice or professional, and encourages contact.
Web site: http://rieserbooks.homestead.com/rieserbooks.html

Mark Stanley (“Power“) is a forty-something avionics technician, former Marine, dedicated bachelor, border-line alcoholic, degenerate gambler, and unapologetic hack writer. His stories have graced the ‘Net for three years now in various e-zines (including Planet Magazine), but have yet to find their way into print. He lives in South Florida.

Richard Stevenson (“Approach With Caution“) teaches English in southern Alberta and has published thirteen collections of poetry. His most recent is a collection of African senryu, haiku, and tanka, “Hot Flashes” (Ekstasis Editions, 2001 ); his second most recent, “Live Evil: A Homage to Miles Davis” (thistledown Press, 2000 ).
Web site: http://www.pi-flora.com/pi/write/rs/default.htm

Nick Trejo (“Flyers“) is the author of many future best sellers. He lives in Beulah, Colorado, with his wife Viki and daughter Michelle. He began writing when it became apparent he was not going to be Paul Stanley of Kiss or even Mark St. John for that matter. Nick played in Heavy Metal bands in his teens and early twenties and was searching for a creative outlet when music changed… or was it that he get old? He still dabbles in music occasionally, helping out his old band (Wicked Wayz) with gigs and making sure there is no extra beer when he’s around. While making several feeble attempts at writing in the past, Mark did not buckle down till 2001 when he finally began a regular routine of writing… but he hopes his writing is not routine. Flyers is the first story he wrote. His past writing has been music and concert reviews for a now-defunct weekly paper in Pueblo, Colorado, but he has a music review in the September issue of “Cemetery Dance” magazine. For the future Mark is solely focused on writing fiction and finds it extremely rewarding and frustrating. He hopes you enjoy Flyers as well as future works of his.

Raymond Towers (“The Streaks in the Sky“) is the pen name for Ramon Torres. Aged 32, he is of Mexican-American descent, happily married, and the proud father of four wonderful children. Previous credits include several dark poems posted on the now defunct Tapestry Magazine, and several short stories on Anothereal.com.
Web site: http://www.geocities.com/monstertako/Dark-Expressions.html

[Story deleted at author’s request] (” Poetry “)

Thomas Wagner (Associate Editor) is inventor of THE ORIGINAL web-ready, vibrating fondue fork. FDA approval expected in 2005, just in time for the much-predicted fondue rennaisance. Invest now before it’s too late.

Nancy Wilcox (“Interstellar War“) was born in the oilfields of West Texas. She spent a couple of years in the Women’s Army Corps, and it seems like the rest of her life raising a couple of exceptionally gifted sons. As a reader of SF, she cut her teeth on Heinlein and Asimov. In her twenties she fell in love with Panshin and Zelazny and Douglas Adams. Now she’s enamored of Glen Cook and Terry Pratchett. She gets older, but Science Fiction just gets better.

Mark Yohalem (“Angels at Penumbra“) is enrolled to begin law school at Harvard next year and meanwhile is desperately trying to entrench what creativity he has left. He has published in print in The Stonefence Review and Write! Magazine, and online at This Way Up!, Dark Dungeon, and Fiction Inferno.

Planet Magazine: Coated in a sweet Sci-Fi shell with a chewy Fantasy center!

About the Artists

Ehrad (art for “The Blue Cabukhy“, “Interstellar War” and “The Needs of the Many“) is a long time photo-retoucher with several passions in life… space art, mysticism, gardening, family, and cartooning. The cartooning aspect of her life is at present an all-consuming fire, and she is currently exploring the concept of “wholeness” through a tribal sci-fi comic called ERADUON, due to be published online in early 2003. Aside from all of the other craziness that is her existence, she still maintains an enormous love for all life forms, and has set about the task of knitting the universe together into the diverse mosaic that it truly is.

Jon Eke (art for “The Staff of J’leyth“) was born in 1967 in Amersham, north of London, and grew up in the Midlands before moving to Merseyside in 1986, where he currently works in the operating theatres at the local NHS hospital. Apart from computer art, his other main hobbies are astronomy, photography, and writing highly personal science fiction tales. Among his favourite writers he includes J.G. Ballard, James Tiptree Jr, Cordwainer Smith, Philip K Dick, Samuel Delany, Barry Malzberg, William Burroughs, Robert Aickman, Ramsey Campbell, Clark Ashton Smith, and H.P. Lovecraft (actually, if the truth be told, he’s top of the list). Jon is also a member of the Ghost Story society and his main ambition in life is to write just one truly successful ghost story. If he manages that, he’ll die a happy man!.

Romeo Esparrago (Graphics Disco Papa, art for “Death By a Salesman”, “Devour“, “Ducks, Herrings, and Paper Hats“, “Power“) is a greasy, dirty dancin’, footloose, robot-popping, moonwalkin’ flashdancer and macarena-er, a breakdancing, grafitti-taggin’, b-boy fool, just looking for fame and wanting to live forever. He sometimes gets fevers on Saturday nights. Don’t even ask about tables and laps, Miss Jackson-if-you’re-nasty, so beat it! He taught J. Lo and Ms. Abdul how to dance, OK? Throw some hip-hop water on the guy and watch the steam boil off — yes, he’s that hot. To check out the background art for “Power” and “Ducks, Herrings, & Paper
Hats”, please visit: http://www.romedome.com/art/featured_art/8-25-02/
.

Matt Gaser (“Cover” art for this issue) works for a video game company called Stormfront Studios, which is currently making the Lord Of The Rings Game. His job on the team is Lead Concept Artist. Matt graduated from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, majoring in Illustration. He has had a strong passion for fantasy Illustration since he was a small child and believes that SF stories combined with lush illustrations are always fun to read.

Senthil GK (art for “Flyers“), having done his degree in Applied Art from Chitra Kala Parishat, Bangalore, realized that he needed to do something that interested him more, things like character design, comic illustration, and animation. For this to materialize, joining “National Institute of Design” India, became his dream. He was lucky and his hard work paid off. He completed his diploma at “National Institute of Design” with specialization in Animation Film Design. Currently, he works as a senior creative designer with Communication Design Group, Infosys Technologies Ltd. Involved in visualizing and developing graphics for in-house Multimedia presentations, product demos, simulation software, UI design for Web, Posters, animation, and video and for different media. He pursues his interest in creative work with dedication. Basically, his fields of interest are after-death phenomena, psychology, Pain, science fiction, and character design. There is no out-burst of happiness and well-being. Most of his works are an explosion of the internal pain which ultimately brings in the artistic pleasure through an intricate balance, and he likes to explore the other “ends” or the opposites.

Carl Goodman (art for “A Bouquet of Demons for Diane“) is an unrepentant Brit on the wrong side of forty living in Surrey, England. He started as a traditional graphic designer in the days when hot metal type was still being used for newspapers. His first encounter with computers was, bizarrely, writing databases for a retail company (he’s still not entirely sure how this happened). He began working with computer graphics in the late 1980s, and has still not been able to kick the habit. At 105 kilos, he thinks it’s fairly safe to say he’s an industry heavyweight.
Web-site: www.peppersghost.com

Andy McCann (art for “Approach with Caution“, “The Captive“, and “Interview with a Psychic Vampire“) eats a lot of berry pie and is now Bluetooth-enabled; he is able, through applied meditation and the flexing of certain internal muscles, to wirelessly sync with his Palm, his iBook, and his Nokia phone and to imbue them all with a limited form of consciousness. Thus, these devices live and die many times a day. Currenty, he is hiding from the government agents pursuing him while he ponders the ramifications of his “special abilities”.

Georgi Ostashov (art for “Angels at Penumbra“, “Houdini’s Locksmith“, “Streaks in the Sky“) was born in St. Petersburg, Russia, and currently lives in Denmark. He has always been interested in different kinds of visual art. He started with traditional media, and then the computer became the most essential tool in his art-creation process. It allows him to work on the image in less time and with far more control than it would take using traditional techniques. His works may be characterized as digital mixtures made from painting, drawing, photos, and media experimentation. Artists that inspire him include Miran Kim, H.R.Giger, Francis Bacon, Dali, Aivazovsky, and J.M.W. Turner. Although most of his works have a gloomy atmosphere, it does not mean he is some kind of psycho or devil worshiper; he just believes that one of the greatest things about art is that it gives us the ability to see, imagine, and feel things in certain ways. In his case it’s the way he sees transformation of these things into dark, brutal, and surreal visions.
Web site: http://www.home13.net/

Eric Seaholm (art for “Poetry” and “Sweet-Pea“) has been creating art for most of his life. Growing up near Houston, Texas, the earliest memory he has is of drawing sailboats with his dad when he was four or five years old. Recently turning 34, he thinks of art as the main focus of his life, rather than something he just does. Currently living in Tokyo, he designs and draws every day, sometimes carrying a sketch book on the train. The locals sometimes glance at him. Perhaps some wonder what this foreigner is doing trying to draw on such a bumpy train ride. Hey, the bumpy ride adds to the uncertainty of the art.
Web-site: www.seaholm.com

Robert Sorensen (art for “Flames of Felidon“) was born in Summit, New Jersey, has lived in Paris, France, and currently resides in Colorado. His education includes studying painting at L’Academie des Beux Arts de Chaville and studying acting at the Lee Strasberg Institute in NYC, followed by professional work in a theatrical touring company and later, work in TV, films, and documentaries. Robert also wrote an SF screenplay about saving planet Earth from an alien invasion in the year 2059, with the title “QUANTEX-Z or ATOMIC VISIONS”. Robert is an avid international voyager whose passion is to visit, contact, and experience the cultures and peoples from all over Planet Earth and has visited most of Europe, Turkey, Israel, Egypt, Turkey, and most recently Mexico. Robert has exhibited his artwork extensively in Paris, once in London, and several times in the United States. In his artwork, Robert most often takes dream images and bites out of his own life and puts them on canvas, paper, or the computer screen. His themes include the hidden aura-energy within all living and non-living subjects and their surrounding environments.

Patrick Stacy (art for “Forever and Ever“), like many before, started young. His main emphasis in childhood was in comics. Never content, the challenge was then to illustrate freehand — now that would be talent. Early influences are still inspirational today, such as the legendary Frazetta, Vallejo, and Parrish. Classical influences were Rubens and Caravaggio. Stacy was winner of the L.Ron Hubbard’s Illustrators of the Future contest in 1996 and has two illustrations within the volume.

Planet says: If you can’t stand the heat sink, get out of the microprocessor!

About this Magazine (Masthead)


Planet Magazine: Where you get more for your science-fiction Solaris!

Planet Magazine, Vol. 9, No. 3 (the 35th issue)

Home Site: http://www.planetmag.com

Mirror Site: http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet

Lord Wizard
Andrew G. McCann
editor@planetmag.com

Exalted Ornamentalist
Romeo Esparrago

Royal Scrivener and Staff Robot
Ray Dangel

Bard of the Empire
Tom Wagner

What In The World Is Planet Magazine?
Planet Magazine is the free, award-winning quarterly Web-zine of short science fiction and fantasy by emerging writers and digital artists, whom we hope to encourage in their pursuit of the perfect tale or illustration. There could be other reasons we’re doing this, of course, motivations that are obscure and uncomfortable; instincts linked perhaps to primal, nonreasoning urges regarding power and procreation — the very same forces, no doubt, that sank the Atlanteans and their alabaster-towered oceanic empire. And the Dark Gods laffed.

Planet has been available electronically via the World-Wide Web (see the clickable links at the top of this page) and Tin-Foil-Hat Receptron since January 1, 1994. Total circulation is “thousands ‘n’ thousands” per issue worldwide. Feel free to download this zine or make a single printout, as long as you don’t charge for it or alter it in any way. That would be illegal and “not nice.” Submissions are welcomed (see below). Planet does not carry advertising or offer a subscription service, but issues are always available at our Web site, with new ones published every March 1, June 1, September 1, or December 1 (or thereabouts). Letters to the editor are encouraged and are likely to be printed.

Guidelines For Submissions
Planet accepts original, unpublished short science fiction and fantasy stories and poems, as well as digital art, from anyone famous or unfamous (use the lengths in any recent issue as a guideline). We are open to the experimental but will not publish anything we judge to be porno, gore, or in violation (as far as we are able to tell) of any copyrights (such as stories that use Star Trek, Star Wars, or Babylon 5 characters). Since Planet is free and carries no ads, we can’t pay anything except the spirit-sustaining currency of free publicity and life-enhancing good vibes. For full details on submitting stories, poems, or artwork, please visit:
http://www.planetmag.com/submit.htm.

* E-mail text submissions as plain, unformatted files (either as an e-mail attachment or, if short enough, in the body of the e-mail message) to editor@planetmag.com. One submission at a time, please. Two submissions max.

* E-mail illustration submissions separately as e-mail attachments, but Stuff or Zip them first. Alternatively, you could send the URL for an image, and we can go look at it. Images should be 256-color, 16-color, 16-gray, or B&W GIFs or JPEGs only. Send any questions about illustrations to editor@planetmag.com.

Distribution Sites
Planet Magazine is distributed only in Web (HTML) format, which can be read best with any version 3.0 or above Web browser, such as Netscape Navigator, Internet Explorer, Opera, NeoPlanet, iCab, or OmniWeb. Earlier issues of Planet are also available at our Web site in four other electronic formats: text (.txt) for any PC or Mac word-processing program; Acrobat (.pdf), a full-color version for PC or Mac using the free Acrobat Reader); DocMaker, a full-color, self-running file with sounds for Mac only; and Palm (.prc), a text version that requires a Palm PDA and a DOC reader like the freeware CSpotRun. The main place to find Planet is on the Web, either at our home page http://www.planetmag.com or our mirror site http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet.

Copyrights & Disclaimers
Planet Magazine as a whole, including all text, design, and illustrations, is copyright © 2002 by Andrew G. McCann. However, all individual stories and poems in this magazine are copyright © 2002 by their respective authors or artists, who have granted Planet Magazine the right to use these works for this issue in both electronic form and any resulting print-outs by readers for noncommercial, individual use. All people and events portrayed in this magazine are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to actual people or events. This publication, along with every past issue of Planet Magazine, is registered with the Copyright Office of the U.S. Library of Congress. Since our first issue, dated January 1994, Planet Magazine has been freely available via the Internet and has consistently used the names “Planet Magazine”, “PlanetZine”, “PlanetMag,” and “McCann’s Planet Magazine” to refer to itself. You may freely distribute this magazine electronically on a noncommercial, nonprofit basis to anyone and print one copy for your personal use, but you may not alter or excerpt Planet in any way without direct, written permission from the publisher, who can be contacted at editor@planetmag.com. Any unauthorized access, reproduction, or transmission of Planet Magazine, in whole or part, is strictly prohibited by U.S. federal law and international copyright law. Planet Magazine is published by Cranberry Street Press, Garden City, N.Y., USA, Andrew G. McCann, publisher.

Colophon
This issue was created with Adobe GoLive 6.0, Graphic Converter 4.4, Painter 4, and BBEdit X on an iMac DV running Max OS 10.1.5. The Planet Magazine logo was designed by Romeo A. Esparrago, Jr., using “Startling” by Dave Bastian, at http://www.davebastian.com/. (Previous logotypes were in Arquitectura and Times New Roman). The text typeface is Arial, and in some older issues Helvetica or Geneva. Please visit the guest artists’ Web pages to learn about the tools they used for their illustrations. Each issue of Planet is cross-bred with Non-SF-Zine DNA for greater strength!.

Planet Magazine ISSN: 1526-1840

“Planet Magazine” is a registered Service Mark with the U.S. Trademark Office