Skeptic

We are skeptics. We’ve looked at all the evidence, and we nonetheless do not believe that the strange phenomenon being reported by people from all walks of life reflects an underlying reality. Sure, reputable people have come forth as sworn witnesses: doctors, policemen on duty, lawyers, even children. But when they relay bizarre stories of dancing backwards in a secret castle or riding a carousel with live animals in a private theme park hidden in the hills, the descriptions are so odd, so fantastical, that we cannot believe these experiences actually happened. We believe that what people really saw was the Moon, or a falling star, or swamp gas, possibly some kind of unannounced Air Force technology, or even something as simple as a young, Swedish woman passing by on the street. In any case, we should all agree that these tales of an ageless elf who speaks like a girl and grants cotton-candy wishes while stealing souls cannot possibly be true — that they, like the story of Hansel and Gretel, are simply a scary fairy tale and as unlikely as an untrustworthy priest. In short, we do not believe there is a Michael Jackson.