Planet Magazine No. 19

Originally published as Planet Magazine No. 19 (September 1998) on the classic Planet Magazine site.

Planet Magazine

September 1998 (Vol. 5, No. 3)
Wild Science Fiction and Fantasy on the Web — FREE!

Painting of a red-haired woman with a hand to her mouth whose chest is opened like a machine, a round porthole showing blue circuitry while robotic arms and tools work on her
Cover art: “Alien Repairs” by Martin Murphy

Table of Contents

INSIDE THIS ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT ZINE:

Editorial & Letters · About the Authors · About this Magazine

Stories

Poetry

Puzzle

Members Only

To unlock the secrets of the universe, click here.

Guest Artists

Cover Art by Martin Murphy · GAK · Duncan Long · Kelly McLarnon · Eric Seaholm

Planet Magazine as a whole is copyright ©1998 by Andrew G. McCann. Individual stories, poems, and illustrations are copyright their respective authors or creators. Planet Magazine is the free, award-winning quarterly Web-zine of short science fiction and fantasy by emerging writers and artists. See Masthead for additional information. Planet has been online and in full color worldwide since January 1994. Like you care. Like you ever, really, cared.

Editorial & Letters

Cartoon of a scowling old wizard with a long white beard in a starry blue robe and a pink party hat, holding a smoking scroll

“Planet Magazine: Sci-Fi Done Rite!”

Y2K? Y NOT 2K?

Planet Magazine believes it’s time to offer its own perspective on the Year 2000, or Y2K, Problem (not to be confused with the MST3K Problem, for which there appears to be no solution). For some time now, computer and financial experts around the world have been squawking in fear over the Y2K issue, like so many chicken heads with their bodies cut off.

In a nutshell, the Y2K problem would not fit. It’s much too large. But it could be summarized as a paradigm of thinkinglessness by a generation of software-programming drones and their corporate figureheads. The problem is that many long-running, “legacy” software programs used for all sorts of essential, or “mission-critical,” applications over the past decades (such as calculating interest-rate returns for banks, maintaining systems at electric utilities, or toting up daily page hits for Planet’s Web site) use two digits to describe a year, rather than four. In other words, at the end of 1999 these programs would see “99” turn into just “00”, rather than 2000. Unfortunately, these programs would then conclude that 00 is 1900, since they assume that all years begin with “19”, which kinda messes up the forward calculations that the computer is doing. If left unfixed, the effects supposedly would be widespread — banks would grind to a halt, Wall Street would implode, utilities would shut down, water supplies would slow to a trickle, the Gateway 2000 computer company would become Gateway 1900, etc.

So far, the fix has been to hire a lot of ancient, mainframe-oriented software coders, who were long ago put out to virtual pasture, and have them pore over millions of lines of dusty code, trying to make these programs-without-manuals understand that we are entering a brave new century, where everyone will be free to use fast-acting nano-tech to morph their bodies into giant, talking parrot cages or twenty-foot-long red-licorice sticks with blinking eyes and mag wheels. Yes, this is the paradise we truly can achieve — IF we can fix Y2K.

On the other hand, we wonder, why fix it at all? Why go to all the time and expense? Especially if all of the necessary changes can’t be made in time? Why not let the computers think it’s 1900? After all, that was a simpler era, when interest rates were low, people were shorter and made less demands on the environment, Strontium 90 barely existed, and there were no computers (except, of course, for Charles Cabbage’s failed Spinach Engine, a room-sized calculator made from vegetables, which are too prone to wilting under the heat of calculations). And maybe the shock of a time-traveling, anachronistic event for our computers would actually force them into self-awareness, leading to a new era of happy rule by benevolent silicon sentients, where we could all happily quit our jobs, submit to brainectomies performed by humankind’s loving computer stewards, and sit around in circles, eating sticks of delicious red licorice with funny, blinking eyes. But that’s only IF we dare to dream.

If necessary, we could even program the computers to think it’s the 1900 of the future — that is, the year we will reach again after time has, so to speak, gone around the world and come back again to 1900 A.D. Think of how our investments would be doing! Think of how much yummy mag-wheeled red licorice we could buy!

So maybe we’re all worrying a little too much, running around like Cassandra Little, shrieking that the Future Is Falling, the Future Is Falling! Hey, maybe even this whole Y2K Problem will just “go away,” for some reason that we Earthlings cannot understand. As evidence for this Alien Scenario, we point to the fact that Commander Bill Gates, the bi-human Overseer of Tall-Nordic-funded Microsoft, has, without fear, and against the wishes of the Reptilian-controlled “Justice” Department, just released the two-digit Windows 98. If he’s not afraid to leave off the “19”, why should we be? And since Mr. Gates has tested positive for Deep Blue-level intelligence, as well as for more money than I can stand him having, Planet Magazine rests comfortably in its knowledge that it continues to know nothing, and that nonhuman entities are likely to once again step in to right the course of human affairs. So party on, my friends, like it’s 1999.999!

From Deep Within My Bunker in the Mojave,
Andrew G. McCann, Editor
September 1998

EDITOR’S NOTE: Starting with this issue, and as part of our continual rollout of free “portal-like” services for readers, Planet Magazine’s Web site will generate a customized issue for each individual reader. No two issues will be alike. Even if you can find and delete the invisible 10mb cookie that Planet parks in a hidden folder somewhere on your hard drive, we will still be able to tell that it’s you every time you visit www.planetmag.com. Thus, you will always see the “same” magazine each time you come to the Web site.

How do we do it? Just a simple HTML/JavaScript trick we came up with, based on the principles of fuzzy theory and chaos logic. We can’t go into details because the patent is still pending. But basically, we use the science of unstable systems to calculate the likely identity of each person visiting our Web site based on how, and where, he or she clicks on a link to an issue.

Skeptical? Well, just try this little test, and you’ll soon be very convinced: Read any issue of Planet and then challenge a friend to read the same issue (not easy, we know!). When you’re both done, get together over, say, a couple of quarts of synth-vodka, and invite along a few professors of deconstructionism. Then, discuss the issue of Planet, and you’ll soon see that each of you has read something very different. Enjoy!

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:
Have your readers been to hikeeba.com? Knock on the front door. Take a left. Take a right. Where will you end up? Trust me. Maybe in Cold As Hades, featuring: DARKERS The future looks scary… <http://www.hikeeba.com/hades> Enjoy a sample of this new, as yet unpublished novel. Visit a space station that isn’t quite as friendly as the name implies. A neighborhood where some of your neighbors are probably undead. And one of them is making sure a selective few stay dead. Ah well, there goes the galaxy. Ask Phillip Lew, he’s just hoping to get out alive. Or, perhaps…The new part of town, MEviews: <http://www.hikeeba.com/meviews> All of my reviews from “SFSite,” “SFZine,” and “Source SF” collected in one convenient location.
Just what you’ve been yearning for all this time.
Lisa DuMond

Dear Editor:
Just found your magazine today and enjoyed the Ray Dangel story “Shift” <http://www.planetmag.com/pm18/pm18.htm> but didn’t have time to read much more. I look forward to enjoying other stories and issues.
Thanx.
Howard M. Kaplan

Dear Editor:
I am inviting your readers to check out what I believe to be some of the best entertainment the Internet has to offer. We are in the midst of providing comic book style Multi-media Entertainment, as well as online gaming which coincides with the story. In other words a player in the game can alter the story line by his actions within the game. Please check us out soon at <http://www.evestale.com>.
Dean Driscoll
(Producer of the Meltdown Project)

Dear Editor:
I read your stuff and thought it was great! Cracked me up.
All the best,
love,
Alice
<http://www.healey.com.au/~scribbler>

Dear Editor:
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve started a free-for-all sci-fi writers site, at <http://fast.to/wwwrite>. Single and multi-authored works welcome! As well as graphic and RealAudio links. Stop on in when you can!
Steve Duys
WWWrite Webmaster

Dear Editor:
I recently found Planet Magazine through a search engine, and I thought the site was great — lots of science fiction by new writers who are able to get exposure through your magazine. Finally, a site where SF writers can post their work and be noticed! I’d like to ask your readers to please visit my somewhat strange sites — Aaron’s Weird Stuff <http://members.aol.com/WeeirdStuf> and the new Be Amazed Webzine <http://be.amazed.com>.
Sincerely,
Aaron

Dear Editor:
I’m writing regarding Neverworlds, a fiction e-zine you linked to a month or two ago. I was hoping it would not be too much trouble if you could alter the old URL to reflect our new home. The new address is: <http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/dechaune/neverworlds/nw.htm>. Pulling up roots on the Internet is a daunting process, one I hope not to repeat anytime soon. :)
Sincerely,
K. L. McPherson –
Editor/Webmaster
N E V E R W O R L D S -|- the Unique Fiction e-zine

Dear Editor:
I’d like to invite writers and editors to The Silver Quill Forum, a place where ambitious fiction writers discuss their craft and the publishing market. Come share your literary genius with us. Membership is free and only requires registering with Delphi. If you’ve never used Delphi before you’ll need to go through a quick registration (so you can post messages). It only takes a minute and it’s free! The address is: <http://forums.delphi.com/m/main.asp?sigdir=writersforum&isp=if&pic=in-WRITER994423>. Or contact Bobette Bryan for more information.
Hope to see you there,
Bobette Bryan

Dear Editor:
Just wanted to send out a grin and some stimulated synapses in appreciation for your poems. Being a visual artist, I have a difficult time verbalizing criticism for poetry, but I can say you have fulfilled my intelligent-scifi needs.
Flatliner
Via e-mail
P.S. Are the images on your site original? I approve ;)

[Editor’s Note: Yes, all of our artwork is created by either Planet Magazine’s staff or by various digital artists who have made or loaned images for a particular issue.]

LETTERS TO HIPPIE HEROES

Dear Wavy Gravy:
When I was a kid, our house was so small that roaches couldn’t live there. In fact, it was so small that the fleas were hunchbacked. On top of that, our house had the strongest gravitational pull of any house, anywhere. I mean, it was just unbelievably strong! (Editor’s Note: OK, so how strong was it?) The gravitational pull of my house was so strong, that not even light could escape. In fact, it was so strong that not even the absence of light could escape!
S.V.F. Nobananas
Galactic Busker

Dear Baba Ram Dass:
I stumbled across a great place to go hunting — not too far from home, lots of easy-to-find game. So I showed up the next day all suited up in camouflage with my gun and lunch bucket, but then, if you can believe it, they threw me out! Said there was “no hunting allowed” in a zoo. Well, excuse me for having been born!
Enn R. Ay

Dear Jerry Garcia:
The other day I saw that Gay Jesus play by Terence McNally, and I figured — hey, looks like if you want attention, you gotta push the envelope. So last night, in a burst of creativity, I wrote a new play: “Jes-Wuss”, a story about how the Savior was a total wimp. Now before anyone calls me anti-Catholic and tries to ban my work, remember this: As any American would tell you these days (as would any Japanese auto commercial), being No. 1 is what it’s all about. We know that for a fact now. And you have got to be top dog at all costs. Even if it means killing your best friends (indirectly and painlessly, of course). So would you “turn the other cheek”? I don’t think so, suckah. The message of my play is simple: “Bare the other (butt) cheek!”
Les Toyl

Dear Arlo Guthrie:
I read the letter above from the hunter and wanted to pass on a tip to any frustrated hunters out there. I found out there was a mouse in my apartment, so I bought one of those little mouse rifles. It’s a tiny gun that must be operated with a waldo setup — i.e., my hands were in special gloves that, through a micro-engineered hookup, operated miniature hands with pine-needle-like fingers. It was extremely challenging to operate, especially since I was using a night scope in my darkened living room, but I finally got a clean shot right through the little beast’s heart. And as it tumbled to the ground in seemingly slow motion to my hunt-heightened senses (first its forelegs twisted up and over, followed by a half-turn and then a flop of its hindquarters), I knew that I would eagerly slaughter it on the spot and feast, later that very night, on thick (for a mouse), juicy mouse steaks carved out by my tiny mechanical hands.
Norman D. Invasion

Dear Timothy Leary:
I just wanted to write in to lend my support to the show South Park and say that it is certainly not too violent. In fact, I’m watching it right now. And I believe that what its critics are failing to understand is that … wait a sec. Ha-ha! They’ve just killed Kenny again! Where was I? OK, so what I’m saying is that it’s obviously just a cartoon, and no kid is liable to take it seriously. By the way, I’m 45 years old and live with my mother.
Montel Bates

Dear Eldridge Cleaver:
Why do people always call me “human”? As all the news feeds have explained countless times, I am a super-intelligent, grainy, viscous liquid from the 14th dimension that has chosen to reside here on Earth to study your ways through total immersion. It’s true that I am a scientist, what you call an anthropologist. And it is true that I live in one of your “houses,” have taken on a “job” at an “Olive Garden” restaurant, own both a human “wife” and a nonhuman “dog,” and have assumed a human “name” — but not one of these things can change the fact that I am simply NOT one of you! Not in ANY way! So please stop calling me “human”!
Be Seeing You,
Hugh Mann

Dear Abbie Hoffman:
I bought one of those new palm-sized PCs that run the Windows CE operating system. And I want to complain, once again, about Microsoft’s deceptive advertising claims. This thing is not palm-sized at all! It only fits in my hand — it’s nowhere near the size of a palm tree!
Michael Meyers
International Serial Killer of Mystery

Dear Jerry Rubin:
In the future, we will all have networked homes, where we can talk on the phone, play games, check our e-mail, update our PalmPilots, and say, “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” — all at the same time! And we’ll still be able to get at least 3 hours of sleep per night.
Mark A. Teer

Dear Bobby Seale:
It’s interesting to note that my acting troupe always has “rehearsals”, yet we have never once had an initial “hearsal”.
Fess P. Inn

Dear Bill Clinton:
You are only being sent this letter once. You will not be contacted again. I represent the Unsolicited Commercial E-Mail Writers Guild, a new Internet-based organization dedicated to the task of improving the quality of what most people call “spam.” Let me tell you a little story about how I became involved with the Guild. I was an unemployed male housewife, age 34, trying to make a living at home writing spam, but the stress of hiding my true e-mail address eventually became too much for me. Quite simply, I cracked. Eventually, through the aid of a friend I’d met in a marketing chat room — a friend named Todd who had once been like me but had turned his life around — I found my way to membership in Spam-Anon, which is based in Hormel, Wisconsin. Thank Todd I found that group! (You might have noticed I thanked “Todd,” rather than God; the reason is that “Todd” is my “sponsor” — i.e., another spam writer who has already recovered and gained a financial relationship with a “higher power.”) For those who don’t know, Spam-Anon is a self-supporting group of formerly wayward spam writers who meet weekly to discuss their feelings, experiences, and financial strategies and to sell multi-level marketing products to each other. Membership fees are a low, low $1,000 per week; half that if you bring in a new member.) Eventually, I made enough in commissions through Spam-Anon that I was able to graduate to Platinum Member Status, which also gives me a seat in the Unsolicited Commercial E-Mail Writers Guild. Our goal with the UCEMWG is to show both recovered and unrecovered spam writers how to write UCE that is truly inspiring, interesting, profitable (at least for the Guild), AND technically legal. As Todd always told me: “Lying is not only wrong, it’s poor technique!” and “Falsehoods Never, Fabrications Yes.” Please contact me at any time for information on our training courses. But, remember, if you can’t join us, at least read us. Look for the UCEMWG logo and motto on all of your commercial e-mail!
Martha Steroid

P.S. Coming Soon!! Watch for information on our two newest organizations, which are currently “under construction” — the GIF Animators Guild, which I believe is self-explanatory, and the International Association of People, which should be even more self-explanatory.

Dear Janis Joplin:
Pediatricians say that the best way to project what a child’s height will be at adulthood is to average the height of both parents. So, for example, if Dad is 6 feet tall and Mom is 4 feet high, then Junior or Sis should be about 5 feet tall at adulthood. This explains the ancient, fossilized skeletons recently found beneath the ocean floor of 1-billion-foot-tall humans (who scientists said often died young due to comet strikes to the head and torso, complicated by the pulmonary and cranial effects of overexposure to hard vacuum). Eventually, I suppose, humanity will dwindle to tiny fairy-like creatures (without wings, I presume), and even one day disappear with an implosive ‘pop’ into some other universe. That’s all good news for the environment!
Ann Thropologee

Dear R. Crumb:
To those who’ve been wondering about the true gender of God, I can tell you once and for all that God is, in fact, a man. However, he’s married, and his wife tells him what to do.
Blaise Phamee

Dear Paul Kantner:
What if there really were no alien abductions? Or if Oswald had actually acted alone? I guess then Planet Magazine would be about sports, or something, rather than serving as a coy mouthpiece for our murderous alien overlords.
‘Regards,’
Thomas M. Schpoon

Dear Editor:
Do you know where I can complain about a hostile, even fatal, work environment? My co-workers have been dropping like flies on a weekly basis, ever since my boss introduced Casualty Friday.
Paul F. Suspision

About the Authors

Cartoon of three monster heads side by side: a green-capped clown, a hairy brown beast with red eyes, and a green slug-like alien

Planet Magazine is rated “Gee” for Grownups!

Noel Ace (“Soul Tatooed“) is currently a high school English teacher at Etiwanda High School in Rancho Cucamonga and enjoys writing stories in her spare time. Her publishing credits include “artisan, inc” and “Eyes,” both print magazines. Her fiction can also be found on the Internet at a variety of sites, including “The Fiction Network,” GeekGirl,””Vanguard,” “Ibn Quirtaba,” “Ascent,” “Beaded Strand,” “Journal X,” “Feminista,” “Buke’s Lighthouse,” “Gay Place,” “Blast,” “Night People,” “Fantastic Fiction and Science Fiction,” “Mindfield,” “AAA:The Little Read Writer’s Hood,” “Galaxy,” “Duct Tape Press,” “Electronic Writer’s Group Presents,” “Beehive,” “Writer’s Web,” “Pogonip,” “Paradigm Shift,” “Underground Informer,” “Pulp,” “All Mixed Up,” “UxU,” “Rose and Thorn,” “A Writer’s Choice,” “Short Story Writer’s Showcase,” and “Dream Forge.”<http://home.earthlink.net/~noelace>

Richard Behrens (“Fields of Broken Glass“) is a native New Yorker. He has previously published poetry, short fiction, essays, and music and film criticism in “Parabola,” “Blue Light Red Light,” “Chakra,” “Forbidden Lines,” “Artitude,” “Cinemaphobia,” and “The Unsilenced Voice.” He is currently a Web applications developer working for a very, very, very, very large financial company, much to his chagrin.

Tony Chandler (“Your Fear“) lives in Atlanta, Georgia, with his wife and teenage daughter. His story, “Their Songs,” was selected by a panel of judges as a winner in the 1998 Dragon*Con Writers Contest. In addition to previous issues of “Planet Magazine,” Tony has had stories and poetry published in “Ibn Qirtaiba,” “EternityOL,” “Aphelion,” “Cosmic Visions,” and “Dark Planet.”

Ray Dangel (associate editor, author & artist for “Cabbage“) is Associate Editor of Planet Magazine. In addition to his previous contributions to Planet Magazine, Ray has also been recently published in The Writer’s Outlet. Recently, he went to a Denver hospital on June 1 to visit a sick friend. To his great surprise, Ray awoke the next day to learn that surgeons had performed a quintuple Coronary Artery Bypass Graft on him — a memorable experience that inspired “The Cabbage.”

Bruce C. Davis (“Queen Mab Courtesy“) is a practicing general surgeon in Mesa, Arizona. Writing has been his avocation since childhood, but only in recent years has he begun to pursue it regularly. Bruce spent 14 years in the Navy as a general surgeon, with overseas duty in Guam, Japan, the Indian Ocean, and Saudi Arabia. He writes “hard” science fiction, usually with a military bent. His only publication so far (other than professional articles in surgical journals) has been his previous story in Planet 18 (“Search & Rescue“). Bruce lives in Mesa with a wife who tolerates his writing with amusement, two sons, and a very large dog.

Dan Dobbs (“How Are You Wired?“) is a professional copywriter and a corporate journalist. He won a local one-act play contest two years in a row, and the plays were produced. He has published one humorous essay in the magazine “Outlaw Biker” and wrote a humor column for a local newspaper for a year. He will be writing a humorous column on the subject of relationships for “What If… the Magazine of the Modern Philosopher”; it should be posted in July. He is also mostly finished with a new SF novel (working title: “The Universe is a Seven-Layer Burrito”). Dan’s influences range from Tom Robbins, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, and Robert Anton Wilson to Douglas Coupland, Harry Crews, Barbara Kingsolver, and, dare he say it, Dean Koontz. He lives in Durango, Colorado, with his wife and two daughters (4 and 15 months).

Romeo Esparrago (“Three SciFaiku“, web works, various art) and his wife Lynn live in Sacramento, which literally means “The City That Feels Like You’re Living On The Surface Of The Sun During An El Nino Summer Except If You Live In Texas Or Arizona Where It’s Hotter And Oh By The Way We Can Barely Keep Our Teeth Inside Our Mouths Anticipating The Coming Flood Season”. Read more of Romeo’s science fiction poems at <http://www.romedome.com/poetry/scifoetry>.

GAK (artist for “Fields of Broken Glass“) is a starving artist currently living in Los Angeles…actually he’s a hungry artist, not starving anymore, and he hopes to be a fat bloated artist eventually! GAK-ART can be found in some of the finest mags being produced planetwide including Terra Incognita, Shivers and Andromeda Nachrichten( from the Science Fiction Club Deutschland ). His cover for the Edward Lee-John Pelan horrorfest “SHIFTERS” was released in the spring and GAK just completed work for the History Channel program “IN SEARCH OF HISTORY:WEREWOLVES”. <http://www.horrorcollector.com/gak.htm>

R. Garfield (“Excerpt from the Geological Diaries, circa 2021“) is a computer analyst from the Greater Vancouver ,BC,Canada area who has been writing poetry all his life (now going on 50 years). He has had several poems displayed on Poetic Express II (http://sacramento-news.com/peindex.htm) and was a member of the CompuServe Poetry forum for a number of years who once donated over 750 pocket science fiction books to a local library, to start up a scifi section. His favorite authors are Alan Dean Foster, the Flynx series in particular, Gordan R. Dickson, Wolfling being his favorite and the original Captain Future series by Hamiltion. Some of his other works can be found at <http://pw2.netcom.com/~a.s.k./rgarfield.html>

John Gerner (“Juggernaut“) is a writer, poet, songwriter and a Clarion West ’97 writer’s workshop grad. His short story “‘Bot Man” was published in Planet Magazine’s combined issue #9 & #10. More of his creative stuff can be found at: <http://www.richmond.infi.net/~jgerner/creative.html>.

Paul E. Gibson (“Bar Fly“) is a part-time writer, full-time network administrator, and meta-full-time father and husband. His fiction has been published previously in “Zone 9.” <http://www.jps.net/ethics>

Bidermeier van Leeuwonhoek (on sabbatical) is everywhere and nowhere. <c/o b.gates@eenieweeniesoft.com>

Duncan Long (artist for “Cycle“, “Juggernaut“) is an internationally recognized technical and fiction author with over 60 books and manuals that have gone into print. He also “moonlights” as an illustrator. He is the featured cover artist for Issue 18. You can visit his home page at <http://www.kansas.net/~duncan/Artpage>

Kelly McLarnon (“Red Giant” illustration for “Excerpt…“) lives in Ottawa, Ontario, and attends Lisgar Collegiate Institute. Her hobbies include figure skating and in-line skating, computer games (such as Riven, King’s Quest, Space Quest, SimCity 2000, and Civilization II, not to mention the occasional mindless explosions/killing arcade game), drawing, painting, and other crafts (like making jewelry and Dream Catchers), flute and piano, and certain TV shows (the X-Files, Simpsons, and Seinfeld). One of her favorite forms of art is computer graphics, especially 3-D, and the programs she uses include Bryce 3D (her favorite), Kai’s Power Tools, Adobe Photoshop, CorelDraw 7, Corel Photo-Paint, Corel Dream 3D, and Painter 5. You can see more of her art at <http://www.topazdesigns.com>

Andrew Massey (“Journeyman“) is in his thirties, married with no children, and lives in North Queensland, Australia. He has had only one other story published anywhere, on Apehelion’s <http://www.aphelion-webzine.com> Web site, and “Journeyman” is actually the first story he wrote. Andrew works for the government, and when he’s not working he does something worthwhile, like reading or writing SF and enjoying the beaches and the reef.

Andrew G. McCann (editor, author & artist for “Snoworld“, “Famous Alien Implants“) is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma coated with layered, melted cheese. His interface with this pocket universe takes the form of Editorship and Provider of Filler Material for the Lichtenstein-based Planet Magazine. In addition, Andy is a husband, father, financial editor by day, and improv comedian by night, which keeps his multiple personalities quite busy; thank Borg for parallel processing! His home page: <http://www.planetmag.com>

Martin Murphy (featured cover artist for “Alien Repairs“) is a Toronto based freelance illustrator. Although he spent years painting life-sized oil on canvas portraits all his current work is done with his Power Mac and draw tablet. His passion for the slightly bizarre has been a character trait since childhood. If there were more jobs where the inside of an alien needed to be illustrated he would be in heaven. Check out his online gallery at <http://www.netcom.ca/~m.murphy>

Scott Perrin (“Cycle“) is a student in computer science at UC Berkeley. He published the story “Mergeform” in issue #17 of the “Berkeley Fiction Review,” 1997.

Frederick Rustam (“The Green City’s Secrets“) is a regular contributor who has also been published by a number of other ‘zines. His most recent submission to Planet Magazine was “Fergus the Templar” in Issue #17.

Eric Seaholm (artist for “Barfly “, “Pathfinder” , “Soul Tatooed“) It’s interesting to me the style of artwork that comes from my hand. I didn’t order it, but there it is just the same. Where did the impulse come from to create that piece, in that style? Why do I call it mine? There may be no answer to this; but the idea of desire sounds right. Where there is desire, so follows action. This desire is not something I ordered, either, but there it is just the same. So, if my actions are dictated by my desires, which in turn may be influenced by the environment around me, then in essence everything came together to make this grand gesture of design. Thanks for the help everyone. My website is at <http://www.satori3.com/seaholm>.

Angie Smibert (“Pathfinder“) is a multimedia writer/designer at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center. Where she works, they do what others dream — or at least that’s what the bumpersticker says. Angie can walk outside & feel the visceral rumble of a Space Shuttle or rocket lifting off. A few buildings down the street, they’re assembling a space station. (Incidentally, she wrote “Pathfinder” before working at KSC, years before the Mars Pathfinder mission.) Angie has published a few short stories in small press and electronic magazines, including “Appalachian Quarterly” & “Cosmic Landscapes.” That was a few years ago, though. (So-called dream jobs can be distracting.) She is an alumni of James Gunn’s Writers Workshop in Science Fiction & is an affiliate member of the Horror Writers Association.

Planet Magazine Ingredients: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, Humor, Poetry, various illustrations, and a fistful of insubordination.

About this Magazine (Masthead)

“Planet Magazine: The Largest Known Object in the Sky!”

Planet Magazine, Vol. 5, No. 3 (the 19th issue)

Home Site: http://www.planetmag.com

Mirror Site: http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet

Editor & Publisher
Andrew G. McCann
editor@planetmag.com

Art Director/Web Designer
Romeo Esparrago

Associate Editor
Ray Dangel

Featured Cover Artist
Cover title: “Alien Repairs”
by Martin Murphy

Cartoon of a tattered sail with a ringed-planet logo on a wooden mast that rises out of a teal shirt collar with a purple bow tie

WOT IZ ZEES PLANET MAGAZINE?

Planet Magazine is the free, award-winning quarterly Web-zine of short science fiction and fantasy by emerging writers and artists, whom we hope to encourage in their pursuit of the perfect tale or illustration. There could be other reasons we’re doing this, of course, motivations that are obscure and uncomfortable; instincts linked perhaps to primal, nonreasoning urges regarding power and procreation — the very same forces, no doubt, that sank the Atlanteans and their alabaster-towered oceanic empire. And the Dark Gods laffed.

Planet is available electronically via the World Wide Web (see the clickable links at the top of this page) and from various online services, such as America Online, CompuServe, and Tin-Foil-Hat Receptron. Total circulation is “thousands” per issue worldwide. Feel free to download this zine or make a single printout, as long as you don’t charge for it or alter it in any way. That would be not only illegal but also “not nice.” Submissions are welcomed (see below). Planet does not carry advertising or offer a subscription service, but issues are always available at our Web site. Letters to the editor are also welcome and are likely to be printed.

SUBMISSIONS POLICY & WRITER GUIDELINES

Planet accepts original, unpublished short science fiction and fantasy stories and poems, as well as digital art, from anyone famous or unfamous (use the lengths in any recent issue as a guideline). We are open to the expiremental but will not publish anything we judge to be porno, gore, or in violation (as far as we are able to tell) of any copyrights (such as stories that use Babylon 5 characters). Since Planet is free and carries no ads, we can’t pay anything except the spirit-sustaining currency of free publicity and life-enhancing good vibes.

E-mail text submissions as plain, unformatted files (either as an e-mail attachment or, if short enough, in the body of the e-mail message) to editor@planetmag.com. One submission at a time, please.

E-mail illustration submissions separately as e-mail attachments, but Stuff or Zip them first. Alternatively, you could send the URL for an image, and we can go look at it. Images should be 256-color, 16-color, 16-gray, or B&W GIFs or JPEGs only. Send any questions about illustrations to .

DISTRIBUTION SITES

Planet Magazine is now distributed only in Web (HTML) format, which can be read best with any version 3.0 Web browser or above, such as Netscape Navigator, Internet Explorer, or Opera. Earlier issues of Planet are also available at our Web site in four other electronic formats: text-only (for any PC or Mac word-processing program), Acrobat PDF (a full-color version for PC or Mac using the free Acrobat Reader), DOCMaker (a full-color, self-running file with sounds for Mac only), and Palm PRC (a text version that requires a PalmPilot PDA and a DOC reader like the freeware AportisDOC). The main place to find Planet is on the Web, either our home page at http://www.planetmag.com or http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet.

COPYRIGHTS, DISCLAIMERS

Planet Magazine as a whole, including all text, design, and illustrations, is copyright © 1998 by Andrew G. McCann. However, all individual stories and poems in this magazine are copyright © 1998 by their respective authors or artists, who have granted Planet Magazine the right to use these works for this issue in both electronic form and any resulting print-outs by readers for noncommercial, individual use. All people and events portrayed in this magazine are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to actual people or events. This publication, along with every past issue of Planet Magazine, is registered with the Copyright Office of the U.S. Library of Congress. Since January 1994, Planet Magazine has widely, publicly, and consistently used the names “Planet Magazine”, “PlanetZine”, “PlanetMag,” and “McCann’s Planet Magazine” to refer to the publication Planet Magazine. Note to readers: You may freely distribute this magazine electronically on a noncommercial, nonprofit basis to anyone and print one copy for your personal use, but you may not alter or excerpt Planet in any way without direct, written permission from the publisher, who can be contacted at editor@planetmag.com. Any unauthorized access, reproduction, or transmission of Planet Magazine, in whole or part, is strictly prohibited by law. Planet Magazine is published by Cranberry Street Press, Brooklyn, N.Y., USA, Andrew G. McCann, publisher.

COLOPHON

These Web pages were designed and created by Romeo A. Esparrago, Jr., using Claris Home Page. The text is Arial/Geneva; the logotypes are Arquitectura. Illustrations were done in Painter 4 and Poser 3. Equipment used: an Apple PowerMac 6400, a Wacom ArtZ tablet, and a MicroTek ScanMaker IISP. Please visit the guest artists’ Web pages to learn about the tools they used for their illustrations. Each issue of Planet uses only the finest electrons, hand-picked at the peak of ripeness and vibra-tuned by sentient pico-bots.