Planet Magazine No. 33

Originally published as Planet Magazine No. 33 (March 2002) on the classic Planet Magazine site.

Planet Magazine

March Quarter 2002 * Issue No. 33 (Vol.9, No.1)
Wild Science Fiction & Fantasy on the Web — Since 1994
Price: Whatever You Want to Tell the IRS
to tax this issue’s Web server.

The Pisces Quad, an elaborate silver and purple starship with stacked hulls drifting through a glowing purple wormhole
Cover illustration: “The Pisces Quad” by featured artist Ellie Hradsky

Table of Contents

Editorial & Letters · About the Authors · About the Artists · About this Magazine · Featured Artist

Stories

Poems

Editorial & Letters


Planet Magazine: Make Us Your Galactic Source for Science-Fiction-Like Substances!

‘Way’ to Go

I am standing on a new product that will change history, society, and your life, and that’s just for starters. The Segway, formerly known by its code name of “Ginger”, was released to the public several months ago after much anticipation and wild speculation. We at Planet Magazine have been happily testing these vehicles day and night and are now ready to report what we have found. I am actually writing this editorial with my rack-mounted iPaq handheld while speeding down the sidewalk at the maximum 12 MPH on my little Segway, scattering dogwalkers and joggers as I go, moving this beautiful two-wheeled cart merely by tipping my body slightly forward — or “intending forward” — which leaves my hands, and eyes, free to pen this important memo. This does not Suckway. No way.

For those of you without knowledge of this marvelous device I am riding, picture one of those classic push mowers for cutting grass, but designed by Lexus and with a platform for standing. (Note to self: sell the Segway folks on a Segway Lawnmower!). Now add in a revolutionary gyroscopic A.I. motor (in place of the mower blades) that can keep a two-wheeled vehicle stable on just about any terrain (by which I mean any flat or slightly inclined asphalt roadway that was recently paved and is currently free of traffic and enjoying sunny weather), and you’ve got the Vehicle of the Future that will indeed change the way cities are designed and the way we all live. And that’s an under-exaggeration!

As the inventor of this delightful two-wheeled, self-propelled scooter describes it, the Segway vehicle moves by the rider thinking it forward or backward — not unlike walking — all without falling. It’s been magical to use and to weave into my life, and any problems have been few and far between and really nothing to worry about. For example, one little incident occurred when I was zipping along, and began idly recalling that morning’s crossword puzzle, which I hadn’t been able to solve. As I was thinking it out, I suddently tilted my head to the right, as a perplexed person is apt to do, and the Segway (following my “intent”) promptly made a sharp right turn into the curb, ejecting me and bouncing me face-first off a large maple on the tree lawn. Another hiccup happened just the next day, when I was tooling down the local business avenue. I saw an old friend of mine from college walking past the Dunkin’ Donuts, and gave him the universal “Hey, What’s Up, Dude?” sign — i.e., a quick, upward flick of the head. Well, my Ginger interpreted that as, “Immediately excecute a fast heel-flip up, and then throw me down on my back at 10 mph, in the manner of Tony Hawk.” No sooner thought than done! Amazing. And the hospital released me that very same week! Anyway, how often will things like this happen to the average Segway rider? Once a month? Maybe every two weeks or so, if that? Like I said, not worth thinking about.

So let me just segue into some of my hopes for The Segway and offer a few suggestions to the inventor to help make this hit product turn into some actual sales! The first thing I’d like to see is a rain cover of some sort that includes wipers in front and back as well as an entry door — maybe some sort of big, square Plexiglas cover that can fit over the Segway, but something that is also lightweight and can fold down to fit into one’s back pocket. I’d also like to see a similar cover for the winter, but thicker and with a heating/defogging system installed. (And don’t forget the air holes, please!) Yet my biggest dream is to one day get a knobby-tired SUS (sports utility Segway), so that me ‘n’ Ginger can go off-road and hit the open trails, with a big smile on my surgically repaired face!

Thinking Forward,
Andrew G. McCann
February 2002

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor: I’d like to inform your readers about an up-and-coming poetry newsletter that I’m publishing. “Poetrylist” is a bimonthly newsletter containing both free and formal verse poetry. It also contains information about poetry events such as readings. If they would like more information they can email me at .
Thanks for your time,
Bobby Whetzel

Dear Editor: Twilight Times Books is pleased to announce the release of the following books:
(1) Reflections of a Recovering Servant, by popular fantasy author Steve Lazarowitz.
Excerpt: http://twilighttimesbooks.com/Reflections_ch1.html
(2) Eyes of Truth, a fantasy novel by Linda Suzane.
Excerpt: http://www.twilighttimesbooks.com/EyesofTruth_ch1.html
(3) The Thirteenth Magician, a fantasy novel by Patrick Welch.
Excerpt: http://www.twilighttimesbooks.com/13thMagician_ch1.html
(4) The Moon Child, meta-mythic fantasy novel, by Alex Roces.
Excerpt: http://www.twilighttimesbooks.com/MoonChild_ch1.html
Regards,
Lida E. Quillen, Publisher
Twilight Times Bookshttp://www.twilighttimesbooks.com/

Dear Editor: We are writing from the Enchanted-Art Collection of Jessica Galbreth — a fantasy watercolorist whose specialty is painting all things enchanting — faeries, goddesses, medieval & Celtic myth, dragons, unicorns, mermaids, and more. Through Jessica’s official Web site, you can enter to win our annual poetry contest. Winners receive a free Enchanted-Art print and have their poem posted for one full year on our Web site with full credit (our site receives upwards of 5,000 hits per week). Without further ado, we’d like to invite you to browse our enchanting pages and further consider entering our poetry contest: http://www.enchanted-art.com/

Dear Editor: Galacticsurf is a portal grouping many categories about space sciences (cosmology, particle physics, exobiology, stars, solar system, galaxies, space missions, exoplanets, space galleries, space art, and many more). I created this site about a year ago in order to propose to researchers, astronomers, students, or just amateurs, a tool that can be used as a platform for research or just to enjoy a pleasurable trip through space sciences. There is absolutely no commercial goal. Galacticsurf’s goal is to provide a free quality service for all space fans.
Edouard
Webmasterhttp://www.galacticsurf.com

Dear Editor: I was published in Planet Magazine 9 & 10 (“Ice Princess”) http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet//pm910/iceprinc.htm and wanted to let your readers know I’ve published a children’s book, “Johnny Starlight”, which is available in most Colorado bookstores as well as on Amazon.com. My upcoming projects include a children’s book titled “McKenzie and the Magic Mirror”, and several young-reader books, titled “The Tea Tree” and “Mr. Bug’s Adventure”. My largest project, due out in 2003, is a fantasy novel titled “To Save A Dragon”. Thanks again for all your help and for the terrific start in the career of my dreams!
Erika V. Queen
c/o Goldwing Publishers
P.O. Box 33652
Denver, CO 80233

Dear Editor: Drunk Duck, a literary publication, is seeking writers and artists interested in producing and selling e-books on our site. We will produce e-books for you for free. This is not an editing service, and we will only offer Microsoft Reader formatting. In the future, .PDF formatting will be added. We only ask for the right to post and sell your book on our site. We will take a percentage of the sale, and the rest will go back to the author, much like MP3.com’s services for musicians. The author will set the price, and control the rights to the work. More details about this offer will be available on our Web site at a later date. Note that we will invalidate this offer if we do not receive a positive response. If you are interested in participating in this new service please respond to . Please visit our site, www.drunkduck.homestead.com, and our affiliate site www.6000bynight.homestead.com.
Sincerely,
Richard Edwards
Editor

Dear Editor: Gambeson Media Network is an exciting new place to read stories in over 300 genres from around the world. Smart navigation makes it easy to find the right kind of story you are looking for in fiction, nonfiction, music, and poetry genres. Recent contributions have come from the USA, Australia, India, and other places. Attention writers: Gambeson is home to the world’s first totally automated online publishing system, allowing both new and established authors the ability to bring stories to the world audience immediately and free. You can get your work featured on Gambeson’s front page today — now accepting submissions.
Gambeson Media Networkhttp://www.gambeson.com

Dear Editor: Eugene resident and author Max E. Keele announces the launch of a new quarterly Internet magazine dedicated to publishing literary-quality speculative fiction for an international audience of sophisticated readers. Fiction Inferno’s objective is to find and publish the best, most literate speculative fiction (which includes the genres usually referred to as science fiction, fantasy, horror, and experimental) available from authors of any and all backgrounds, whether well-established in their writing careers or just starting out. The only objective criteria for making the pages of FI is well-crafted, innovative fiction. FI also intends to be author-friendly — all rights not purchased will remain with the individual authors and payment will be made for any story published. Fiction Inferno is a quarterly publication, available for free on the Web at www.fictioninferno.com.
Max E. Keele

Dear Editor: GreenTentacles — the e-zine providing news, articles, and services for speculative fiction businesses — has just completed a major redesign. The main thrust of the design was to get the main content of the site into a database, in order to make future updates and daily maintenance as painless as possible. We’ve also added new features, like a pseudo-daily news log, where we report some of the top stories that may be of interest to speculative fiction business people.
Cordially,
N. E. Lilly
A Modern Business Fanhttp://www.greententacles.com/

Dear Editor: We invite your readers to visit Cool Beans World, our online comics cavern. We have some great storylines on the site — including an exclusive animated series of “Scarlet Traces”, written by Ian Edginton with art by Disraeli. We’ve also got exclusive new work in the pipeline from the comics community’s biggest names, especially Simon Bisley’s return to sword-wielding fantasy in the Alan Grant-scripted “Doomkeeper”. On top of all this, there are the community, shop, and interactive zones that promise to entertain you even more.
Cheers,
Jo Fearnehttp://www.coolbeansworld.com
http://www.cartoonscape.com

Dear Editor: We’d like to invite any readers who like extreme, bizarre speculative fiction to check out our new titles, which are available in paperback and electronic versions.
Thanks,
Eraserhead Press
http://www.angelfire.com/az2/eraserheadpress/

Letters to Proposed ‘Lord of the Rings’ Sequels

Dear “Part IV: The Return of Bilbo: The Adventure Begins Again” (same cast): I have had a problem my whole life. No one ever seems to remember me, although I always remember myself very well! Specifically, my problem is that every time I meet someone, and then run into them later, they always say “Hi, Elliott”, when my first name is actually Lawrence (although it’s true that I insist people call me by my first two initials in combination with my last name). Well, I guess there’s just no accounting for the obtuseness of some folks.
Yours Truly,
L.E. Ott

Dear “Part V: The Return of Sauron: The Adventure Continues” (all-new cast, including Eric Stoltz as the dark lord; directed by Nora Ephron): Although the new iMac may seem like it’s in a niche hardware category, and perhaps overpriced for many people, I believe that you’ve got to consider the fact that it runs many popular software applications and that it also comes with some free digital apps that allow easy movie-making, music playing, photo organization, etc. Now show me one other desk lamp that can do that! Ha! Didn’t think so.
Regards,
Capo D. Tutti-Frutti

Dear “Part VI: A Balrog in Hobbiton” (directed by Sam Raimi): President Bush the Younger here, and I’m writing to let your readers know that the U.S. is committed to doing whatever it takes to rein in my rogue daughters. They represent an “Axis of Partying” that must be stopped before they create Weapons of Brain-Cell Destruction. I am telling these girls right now to stop engaging in this massive partying, shut down their activities, and immediately enter rehabs. If they refuse, I am ready to do whatever it takes to protect my familiy’s reputation from the threat of these “krazy kollege-type kidz”. I will even go so far as to use military action against my daughters, should it come to that (hey, I’m just kidding, but I want to scare ’em a bit!). Now that me and the wife have got the girls on notice, I hope they change their behavior on their own. And I hope they hear the message of not only the president of the United States but also a vast coalition of their aunts, uncles, and cousins. And then people say, “What are the consequences of my ultimatum?” Well, these girls will find that out in due course if they don’t get their apartments in order!
Speaking From a Disclosed Location,
The Dubster

Dear “Part VII: The Story of Tom Bombadil” (musical, with Nathan Lane): What’s the capital of the United States, you ask? That’s easy: Capital U. Or maybe capital U and capital S. But since the question is singular, not plural, then the one I pick would be U (so happy belated Valentine’s Day to U!).
Sincerely,
Ty M. Waister

Dear “Part VIII: Barliman Butterbur Forgets Again!” (with Drew Carey, and Gilbert Gottfried as “Nob”): Ooooooohhhhh, I grow tired of that man Gandalf’s excuses for his regular disappearances! I tell you it’s no picnic being married to a Valar (and yes, already, he IS one). First it was that rogue elfess in Rinvendell that supposedly entrapped him, then the next year it was the card game he lost to Old Man Willow, and there was even that experimental-lifestyle phase with that high-booted Tom Bombadil. And then I didn’t see him for months and months after that doddering fool Saruman allegedly “captured” him. By Shelob, that bumbling, would-be tyrant Saruman couldn’t even catch a cold! And now I’m supposed to believe that Gandalf’s been pulled into a bottomless pit by some slow-witted Balrog and has gone missing? Spare me. Odds are he’s gone missing all the way to the mead taverns of Minas Tirith with that no-good, smelly Strider! I’ll tell you one thing, he’ll be seeing me in Wizard Divorce Court pretty soon! I’ll show that Gandalf a bottomless pit, I will.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Gandalf A. Valar

Dear “Part IX: The Return of Saruman: The Secondary Threat Rises Again” (original cast is back): I am a rare elf/dwarf hybrid — I am joyous yet sullen, otherworldly yet mundane, pretty yet ugly. Those of us Erfs (as we call ourselves, although some use Dwelfs) have gathered and met in a Grand Council. We have come to a key decision and are now seeking our own homeland in Middle Earth, far and near from the who oppress us. Essentially, we are seeking a mountainous valley, covered by a treeless forest, which is sunny half the year and cloudy the next. Please help us, although we do not need any of your help.
With Sincerity & Suspicion,
Elshape Oakenhelm

Dear “Part X: The Return of the King Yet Again” (all-new cast, including Lucy Lawless as Sauron’s Daughter): Continuing on from my letter in the last issue, I am here to demonstrate via Internet-enabled Powerpoint slides exactly why and how — and most assuredly contrary to the claims of my self-appointed “ex”-girlfriend — I am not “pompous and boring”, as she maintains. Let us go view my presentation then, you and I. First slide, please. First slide, please! Drat! Not again. Those fellows I talked to in that AOL chat room swore to me that the presentation would be ready to go at the appointed hour. After all, they said they were graphics experts working in the office of The Most High Internet Commissioner himself, Lord Hugh Jass of Geneva. (Ah, Geneva! I remember it well! How I miss the soaring plumes of that storied city’s Jet D’Oh!) Well once again Fate appears to be against me in this endeavor! Still, I can always take solace in the fact that Physics tells us there are infinite worlds, which means that, somewhere(s), I have an infinite number of dates tonight. So I’d better go (watch TV, that is!).
Borously,
A. Guy Fromme-Las Tishyu

Dear “Part XI: A Hobbit in Cimmeria” (Animated Saturday morning cartoon): Let me tell you a little story. A bushy-haired philosophy professor stood before his class, picked up a large, empty jar, and filled it with rocks right to the top. He asked the students if the jar was full, and they agreed it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar, shaking the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked again if the jar was full, and the students said yes! The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar, which seemed to fill up the remaining space. He asked yet again if the jar was full, and they said yes, yes, OK, fine, it’s full already. Some eyes impatiently strayed to the wall clock. The professor then took some water and poured it into the jar, which seemed to fill it to total capacity. He looked at the students — they said yes, yes, we get the point, you can always fill it up a bit more. But surely the jar is full now, and anyway wasn’t that the bell signaling that class is over?

So the professor, after a brief, dramatic pause, pulled out an illegal pocket-sized quantum-foam sprayer/compacter, stuck it into the jar, and filled it to beyond its capacity — but carefully, so that it maintained its structural integrity. He asked the class if it was full now. There were uneasy, scattered murmurs of assent. And an undercurrent of fear snaked through the classroom. The professor’s eyes flicked across the rows of students. With a swift, precise motion, he pulled from his desk drawer a mil-spec Tattington-Li quark splitter, held it straight up, rotated it 30 degrees to his left, extended the splitter apparatus from its cowling and poked through the very fabric of reality, removing some [WARNING FROM PLANET EDIT-BOT: UNTRANSLATABLE TERM], and then held it over the jar.

The classroom erupted into a piercing wave of screams, as the students viewed [UNTRANSLATABLE] with their naked eyes and unprotected brains, and most fled through the doors at the back or jumped through the open second-story windows. Only one student remained, the smartest in the class, who sat frozen to his seat in terror at the knowledge in his head as the professor began lowering the [UNTRANSLATABLE] into the overfull jar. “Professor!” the student suddenly shouted. The professor paused, looked up, a cold smile on his lips, and said, “Yes? You want to tell me something?” The student gasped: “Professor, the jar… it’s not full! My God, do you hear me, it is NOT FULL!!” The professor smiled, swiveled to his left, inserted the [UNTRANSLATABLE] back through the reality rip, closed the rip with the splitter, and locked the splitter in a drawer of the table he stood at.

“Now,” said the professor to the remaining student. “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things, like your family or food. The pebbles are the secondary things, like your car. The sand represents tertiary things, like magazine subscriptions. The water represents the new Harry Potter movie, which if you didn’t see on opening day, you should see as soon as possible. The compacted quark foam represents the new Lord of the Rings movies, which you should eventually purchase on DVD, but you don’t need to see at the theater, especially since the Hobbits look too human, which was a huge mistake by the director, that Ursine Human called Beorn. Finally, the [UNTRANSLATABLE] represents the least in life — those things that are pointless yet can still kill you, like this apocryphyl Internet-circulated anecdote that you and me are acting in right now, which, even worse, isn’t the actual supposedly real anecdote but a tarted-up double-fake that’s been created for a false Letters to the Editor section of a notorious sci-fi Web-zine.”

The professor then removed his glasses and looked right at the student. “Yet, almost like an emptied jar, this classroom is no longer full, save for you and me. I’m sure there is some parallel I could draw at this point — about us being the two last rocks or perhaps the [UNTRANSLATABLE] itself — but I think we would all agree (and here I include those reading this right now), that, at long last, have we not the decency to end this fake Letter to the Editor? The student relaxed, smiling a bit while nodding his head. “Now,” said the professor, “how the heck am I going to remove the compacted quantum foam from this damn pickle jar?” The professor started chuckling, the student joined in, and then you, the reader, began laughing as well, as this fake letter fades to black.
But This Letter Is Still Not Full,
Prof. S. Orr

Dear “Part XII: The Return of Elrond” (special F/X extravaganza; cameo by Keanu Reeves): I still insist that the Internet is going to be the biggest thing since the Human race was invented by the Voshtorr’an of Klepajl IX a million years ago or so. This whole Tech Bubble thing in the stock market has been nothing more than the popping of a small pustule on the face of destiny. So don’t even bother thinking about it. Surely, it’s only a matter of time before the Internet is installed in our very brains, our bodies, even our souls! I firmly believe that one day, there will be no people anymore — only the Internet, although I do expect there will be at least one official “user” to be retained for demonstration purposes, in case the Voshtorr’an ever return to see how we’re doin’. And for evidence of all this, one need look no further than my unshakeable conviction in my own ideas and my personal greatness. But it’s all detailed on my 230-gigabyte Web site, which is currently in search of a free Web-hosting service.
Thank Me Very Much,
Prinn “Ted” Sircutt-Bordd

Dear “Part XIII: Rambo in Mordor: Last Blood” (with Jet Li): It’s true that George Harrison was known as “the Quiet Beatle”, but did you know that John Lennon was known as “the Hard Beatle”. Paul McCartney, of course, was “the Loud Beatle”, and Ringo Starr, “the Slow Beatle” (betcha thought I was going to say “Soft”, didn’tcha? Truth is, there never was a “Soft” Beatle, and they all were considered “Fast”). And then there were original guitarist Stu Sutcliffe (the Arty Beatle), original drummer Pete Best (the Vacant Beatle), producer Sir George Martin (the Elegant Beatle), keyboardist Billy Preston (the Smiling Beatle), and even radio DJ Murray the K (the VW Beatle), all of whom have legitimate cause to claim the position of the Fifth Beatle. Maybe you knew all of that, but what you likely don’t know is that I am known as “the 121,339,736th Beatle”. So how did I get to become the 121,339,736th Beatle? Well, do you really want me to go through the tortured logic and self-justification of it all, like the other fake Letters to the Editor here, including a ranking of every “Beatle” preceding me? You do? Well, sorry, but I’ve got no time for it; I’m quite a busy fictional character.
The Beatle Goes On,
Vic Shunal

Dear Editor: So, N’Syth will not appear in “Star Wars Episode II”, I hear. Hmmm… Vanquished then is Darth Timberlake, for now. But always more than one there is, yes. We must beware Darth Joey… known as The Fat One, is he… a Human/Hut mix. Dangerous are the Boy-Band Clones!
Bye Bye, Jedi, Bye Bye,
Yoga

Planet Magazine is the Collectible SF Web-zine! We are considered to be “extremely rare” by those who cannot find us at all!

About the Authors

Peter Bergman, Jr. (“Running With the Bulls”) has been reading science fiction, horror, and fantasy since grade school. He lives in the Northwoods of Rhinelander, Wisconsin, and his hobbies are hunting, fishing, golfing, writing, reading, and helping his wife in raising three teenage daughters. Peter has had short stories published in Web-zines Aphelion Science Fiction, Planet Magazine, Writer’s Hood, and Dark Moon Rising. This is his second story in Planet Magazine.

T. Everett Cobb (“A Lonely Place“) spends most of his time staring at a blank screen, though every once in a while he manages to string a few words together. That’s why his short stories emerge only periodically, though they have appeared in such small press magazines as “Night Terrors”, “Hadrosaur”, and “The Ultimate Unknown”. He figures at this rate, he’ll eventually make a living as a writer if he lives to be 382. He adds that he tries to eat healthy.

Ray Dangel (Associate Editor) tinkers with stories until his craving for good English is reasonably satisfied. He makes no claims to be an expert grammarian, and in fact recalls that his high school English teacher once cautioned him, “If you don’t pay more attention in this class, you’ll be an ignoramus forever.” That was the semester Ray took home a report card containing 22 “F” grades. The next semester his name was on the Dean’s List for academic achievement. Ray insists he was bored and just wanted a “different” report card.

Garry Dean (“The Project“) lives on the sunny shores of NSW Australia, in a little town called Tuncurry, where he enjoys the occasional swim in the surf, while dodging the occasional shark! His favorite authors include Isaac Asimov and Arthur C. Clarke, both of whom epitomize the classic science fiction tale. Garry decided to try his hand at writing about a year ago, and to date his work has appeared in “AntipodeanSF” and “The Science Fiction Museum.” You can read other examples of Garry’s humble ravings on his Web page:
http://www.users.bigpond.com/garrydean1/

S.E. “Sam” Eggleston (“Storm on the Horizon“) is a sports editor for the Novi News, the Northville Record and the Lake Area Times. He lives and works outside of Detroit, Michigan, after completing a brief stint as a reporter for the Peninsula Clarion in Kenai, Alaska. Eggleston is a native of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula where he, and his wife — Christie — first met at Northern Michigan University. Recently, a new addition was born into their pack — Shaylyn Rose has given Eggleston plenty of motivation and sleepless nights in which to get some stories done. Eggleston is hoping to one day become a full-time fiction writer.

Romeo Esparrago (“Red Robot Haiku“, associate editor-type thingy) has joined the Red Robot Domination cult. Check out his other Red Robot contributions at http://www.romedome.com/art/featured_art/, which reveals the secret identity of the Red Robot — gasp & swoon!

Lee Daniel Guest (“Olarov and the Rider“), 24 years old, studied Fine Arts for a number of years before leaving college to improve. His Idols are; Robert E. Howard, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Frank Frazetta, Yngwie Johan Malmsteen, and Henry Kuttner.

Charles Kaluza (“Molly“) is a surgeon and has expanded his writing interest from medical literature to fiction. He was given this opportunity to explore the creative side of his writing, when he developed rheumatoid arthritis. Charles misses the adrenaline rush of performing surgery but finds creative writing to be a good substitute. He is most interested in the potential for medical advances and the ethical issues they create. He hopes readers share his enthusiasm for the future.

M.F. Korn (“The Old Man and the Cyborg“) has written eleven novels and had 200 story appearances in magazines worldwide. Currently available are his two paperback collections: CONFESSIONS OF A GHOUL AND OTHER STORIES and ALIENS, MINIBIKES, AND OTHER STAPLES OF SUBURBIA. He resides in Louisiana as a programmer with a degree in Computer Science, and has a daughter, Savannah, four years old. Mike also has a degree in Piano and enjoys playing Rachmaninoff, Gershwin, Chopin, and ragtime, and listening to Requiems, Sacred Masses for the Dead. To learn more about M. F. Korn, check out his official site at
http://hometown.aol.com/tiresius1/

Andrew G. McCann (“TolKu“, Editor) has been chosen as the physical and neural model for the next version of the iMac, to be known as “iMac III — The Digital Hubby”. This will be a computer into which any electronic device ever created can be plugged, via the patented new MorphPort, and into which any electronic data can be downloaded, processed, and output via the patented new PeristalsApp program. In addition, you will be able to legally marry the iMac III in the states of California and Vermont only — and you can burn a DVD at the same time (flammable accelerant not included).
editor@planetmag.com

Hathno Paige (Not Pictured) is a 32nd degree black belt in the ancient Balinese fighting art of Chu Knudl Wel. In addition to flying, invisibility, and general invulnerability, Hathno can pull his pants on both legs at once.

William Alan Rieser (“Crawlspace” and “Crown Jewels“), born in New York City, less than 3 miles from the World Trade Center, originally was a musician and spent many years composing, conducting, teaching, and performing music on the East Coast. His earliest writing influences were Tolkien, H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, and Poul Anderson. He is now retired in Fort Worth, Texas, with his wife, Sandra, who edits his writings and doesn’t give him the slightest break on syntax or style, even though he expresses nought but loving thoughts to her. For several years he experimented with short stories for SF/F e-zines but now prefers to concentrate on more developed themes. In this last year, he published “The Kaska Trilogy” and “The Chronicles of Zusalem” via Writers Club Press, an organization associated with iUniverse and Barnes and Noble. Many other novels have been completed and are awaiting publication, such as “Furnace” and “Luna Parabella”. His articles, humorous and serious, are popping up everywhere, especially in his column at scifantastic. Currently, he is working on a mainstream novel and promises a mystery. He enjoys talking to writers, novice or professional, and encourages contact.
Web site: http://rieserbooks.homestead.com/rieserbooks.html

R. Scott Russell (“Traditional Art“) lives with his wife and kids in Rochester, New York. He runs a small test lab where, basically, he is allowed to break things for a living. In addition, Scott is pursuing a Master’s degree in astronomy and spends several nights a week running the big scope at a local observatory. He is particularly interested in developing automated telescope systems. These activities plus a love of reading keep him quite busy but also provide a good deal of potential story ideas. He would love to provide a list of favorite authors but it would take up an entire page. His list ranges from Anderson to Kipling to Zelazny, plus a host of writers found at Web-zines such as Planet Magazine. “Traditional Art” is Scott’s fifth work of short fiction to be published. He has been published online at scifidimensions.com and in Rochester Short Stories Magazine. One of his stories, “The Coyote and the Gila Monster,” was recently turned into a song by the Seattle-based alternative punk band Bert Nu Ernie.

E.S. Strout (“Blue Shift“) has been published in small-press print magazines “Crossroads”, “Lovecraft’s Mystery Magazine”, “Fading Shadows”, “Mad Scientist”, and “Millennium Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine”. His stories have also appeared in the Internet publications “Jackhammer”, “Beyond s-f”, “Millennium SF&F”, and “Demensions”. E.S. Strout is on the faculty of the U.C. Irvine Medical Center, where he teaches skin pathology to dermatology residents.

s.c. virtes (“Silbury Plain“) was last spotted at the San Diego Writers Conference, pitching his new novel to an editor from Tor Books and some friendly agents. They seemed a bit confused by the whole affair. He sold some cartoons to Futures that weekend; recent poem sales to Star*Line, Not One of Us, and Space & Time; and two poems nominated for the 2002 Pushcart Prize. He was also seen in a dentist chair, wishing he was in another galaxy.
Web site: http://tales.scvs.com

Thomas Wagner (Associate Editor) has of late been thinking about writing science fiction a lot more than writing it. But fortunately he just quit his day job, so now he’ll have all the time he needs, even if he has no food…

Planet: Famous for Fine SF in all Seventeen Quadrants of Flux-Space!

About the Artists

Kenn Brown (art for “The Old Man and the Cyborg“) was thinking back on the morning of September 11th, his birthday: “Every day since that tragedy I have been filled with a sense of anxiety, and urgency. Two weeks later, on September 26th, I walked into my company of employment and handed in my resignation. Those feelings have still not fully gone away but I am filled with a new sense of purpose. I still wonder if I made the right choice, but every time I finish an illustration, I get a sense of satisfaction I have never achieved with any previous job, creative or otherwise. Just before writing this, I picked out an old dog-eared copy of OMNI to take to bed with me and opened it up to “Count the Clock that tells Time”, by Harlan Ellison. This is a copy I bought when I was 15 years old (20 years ago!) and yet I never recalled reading this particular story — very strange. Having finished it.. I understand now why I never started it. I get this sense that it has been sitting there patiently, waiting for me to discover it — along with the rest of my dreams I packed away so many years ago.”

Ken has been working on Macintosh and PC platforms for a little over 11 years. He spent four years studying illustration and design at the Ontario College of Art and Design in his native Toronto before moving on to Vancouver, British Columbia, where he has lived (on and off) for the last 10 years. He spent some time working on video games in Las Vegas and hanging out on the beach in LA, only to return to his beloved Vancouver and his dream of becoming a Science Fiction illustrator.
Web site: http://www.kontent-online.com

Jon Eke (art for “Crawlspace“) was born in 1967 in Amersham, north of London, and grew up in the Midlands before moving to Merseyside in 1986, where he currently works in the operating theatres at the local NHS hospital. Apart from computer art, his other main hobbies are astronomy, photography, and writing highly personal science fiction tales. Among his favourite writers he includes J.G. Ballard, James Tiptree Jr, Cordwainer Smith, Philip K Dick, Samuel Delany, Barry Malzberg, William Burroughs, Robert Aickman, Ramsey Campbell, Clark Ashton Smith, and H.P. Lovecraft (actually, if the truth be told, he’s top of the list). Jon is also a member of the Ghost Story society and his main ambition in life is to write just one truly successful ghost story. If he manages that, he’ll die a happy man!.

Romeo Esparrago (Graphics Slicer ‘n’ Dicer, art for “Red Robot Haiku“) is merely a 12″ action figure aspiring to do bigger things (well!). Check out his other 1:6 and 1:18 scale buddies at
http://www.romedome.com/company_of_plastic_heroes/

Carl Goodman (art for “Molly“) is married with one son, lives in Surrey, UK, and has been doing computer graphics for a living since the late 1980s. A lot of his work has been based around fairly technical visualisation projects, but a while back he joined a computer animation company as director of graphics research and development, which means that basically he gets to evaluate all the leading-edge technologies associated with CGI and provide due diligence for venture capitalists on various projects. Carl has had a fair bit of material published in consumer media in the past, including animation work for Reuters on the Shoemaker-Levy 9 impact, which was shown on news channels in 22 separate countries. He also had some illustrations of this event published in “New Scientist” magazine. Carl is also an avid reader of what might be thought of as “hard core” science fiction, with a strong bias towards the Clarke-Asimov-Heinlein-Niven stable, and enjoys the opportunity to visualise concepts. In terms of tools, most of Carl’s work is in 3-D, using Max 4, character studio for animation, Deep Paint 3d for textures, Photoshop, Corel Xara for linework (less of a pain in the neck than Illustrator!) and simulation plug-ins like phoenix and havoc. Peppersghost.com has updated its site recently won a BAFTA award for http://www.tinyplanets.com — best entertainment site 2001.
Web-site: www.peppersghost.com

Lee Daniel Guest (“Olarov and the Rider“), 24 years old, studied Fine Arts for a number of years before leaving college to improve. His Idols are; Robert E. Howard, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Frank Frazetta, Yngwie Johan Malmsteen, and Henry Kuttner.

Ellie Hradsky (art for “Cover” and “Blue Shift“), twenty-five years ago, worked for a photographer who was as heavily into science fiction as she was. He knew a man who claimed he was in contact with alien beings and that he had photographs and info he wanted them to see. Ellie and her boss eagerly looked at the stuff the man left, but at one point her heart sank and she walked away. He smiled at her over his shoulder. “Not very convincing, is it.”

Ellie hesitated because she wanted to believe, then finally replied, “No…not very.”

“Do you think we could re-create images like these?” he asked.

“Regrettably…I think we could do better than these,” she sighed.

Nothing ever came of it and all this time the yearning to create believable spacecraft stayed with Ellie. Quite by accident, after purchasing equipment for her photo-retouching business, she discovered tools that enabled her to begin assembling objects. “God,” she mused at one of the first shapes that came up. “This could be the nose of a spaceship.”

The rest is history. The ship in the “soft sunset” graphic for the story “Slip-stream” is the second one she did. She has done many more since. Each one gets more involved and functional. Ellie’s son noticed her doing this one. She had only one question for him.

“Does it look like it could fly…Maybe?”

“It sure does, Ma…Awesome.”

That was all she needed to know. As for her personal history, Ellie was born in Europe and came to the US when she was about two. She has had little schooling and is old enough to be a grandmother. She is now doing what she loves. The way things are going, she just might end up being the “Grandma Moses” of space art. That would suit her just fine. Ellie says her soul is, was, and always will be out there in the cosmos and with other life forms.

As far as graphic tools are concerned, Ellie uses the standard tools that come with almost every graphics program out there. There is nothing mysterious about them. The rest is technique, and that she can’t divulge….

Andy Miller (art for “Running With the Bulls” and “Silbury Plain“) is currently working in the mountains of central Virginia. He is a writer, artist, and composer.

David Sauma (art for “A Lonely Place“) is a native Miamian of Cuban parents. He started graphic artistry as a hobby, which soon developed into a self-supporting career. His Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and minor in MIS quickly took the backburner. Each piece is much like building an intricate puzzle using the computer to digitally combine original photography of space, animals, and humans, creating an exhilarating art piece full of fantasy, dreams, and drama. His unconventional art stimulates the viewer¹s imagination, giving the illusion of transport into another realm.
Web-site: www.dreamescape.com

Eric Seaholm (art for “Crown Jewels“, “The Project“, and “Traditional Art“) has been creating art for most of his life. Growing up near Houston, Texas, the earliest memory he has is of drawing sailboats with his dad when he was four or five years old. Recently turning 34, he thinks of art as the main focus of his life, rather than something he just does. Currently living in Tokyo, he designs and draws every day, sometimes carrying a sketch book on the train. The locals sometimes glance at him. Perhaps some wonder what this foreigner is doing trying to draw on such a bumpy train ride. Hey, the bumpy ride adds to the uncertainty of the art.
Web-site: www.seaholm.com

Patrick Stacy (art for “Storm on the Horizon“) hails from Germany, and like many before, started young. His main emphasis in childhood was comics and he soon became an excellent tracer. Never content, the challenge was then to illustrate freehand; now that would be talent. Early influences are still inspirational today, such as the legendary Frazetta, Vallejo, and Parrish. Classical influences were Rubens and Caravaggio. The goal of course is, with any luck, to break into the book cover and magazine markets. As mentioned earlier about never being content, currently in the process of learning to create webpages through HTML and Photoshop. In the process of updating website to include upgrades as well as new illustrations. Winner of the L.Ron Hubbard’s Illustrators of the Future contest in 1996 as well as two illustrations within the volume.
Web-site: http://members.nbci.com/pstacyart/

Note to Readers: Please keep in mind that after you’ve finished reading this issue, WE MUST ALL LEAVE THE SHIRE IMMEDIATELY — TONIGHT. My spider-sense is tingling, and I feel that Darth Vader and the rest of the Nazgul are close… even Capt. James T. Dumbledore himself cannot protect us now. May Shrek be with you…

Featured Artist

Featured Cover Artist :

Ellie Hradsky

All illustrations on this page are copyright ©2002 by Ellie Hradsky.

Render of the Pisces Storm Probe, a small mirrored spaceship with vertical towers between two hulls, on a blue background

The Pisces Storm Probe was intended to be a small 30-man vessel that actively sought out cosmic disturbances and then mapped and collected data for neighboring spacestations and planetary systems.

It had a small problem. While the ship was capable of handling drastic velocity shifts and emissions internally, two of the outer railings were not and tended to warp when subjected to sudden pressure changes. An endearing quality to me. I wanted somehow to take the little ship and make a mirror image of it. When I flipped it end to end however, I began to see something else. Flowing diagonal lines that intrigued me…

Render of the Quad starship, mirrored hulls joined by lit machinery, against a lavender background

Finding the first images too dull I took the ship apart and added effects to all the pieces. I put it back together and duplicated it again.

This time however, I thought the ship to be too bright. I ended up taking the whole thing apart again and adding effects to only certain sections of the ship and then re-arranging and adding more instrumentation. I then named it the Quad. Still…far from finished, I needed to start thinking about a background…

The concept of wormholes always fascinated me, but how to render one… I’m still elaborating on my wormholes, but I kinda’ like this one. Named after the discoverer of it, Brandy Torobon, navigator of the escort ship, The Archangel. It started out as a simple rainbow fill that I kept twisting and distorting until it began to fold in on itself.

A swirling rainbow-colored wormhole folding in on itself against black space

click for larger image

C L O S E U P S

Closeup of the Pisces Quad starship showing landing platforms, tracking stations and an observation deck against a blue-purple glow

Above: After all the basics of the graphic were laid out, I added extendable landing platforms, telemetry and tracking stations, an observation deck and maintenance pod. Click the image for a larger closeup.

Below: I busied myself next going all around the ship and encasing all of the circuitry and instrumentation in forced transparent shielding, giving the ship a mysterious aura. The closer you look, the more depth you will find. Click the image for a closer look.

Closeup of the Pisces Quad's shielded circuitry and instrumentation, layered metallic pipes and panels

After all was said and done, I decided to keep the bent railings, giving the Quad a deceptively fragile look.

Closeup of the Pisces Quad hull with bent railings and dense vertical machinery

The ship now holds a crew of 120, can withstand extreme velocities, shifting energy patterns and bombardment and is currently employed as a wormhole hunter. Click the above image if you want a larger, closer view.

Return toTable of Contents

About this Magazine (Masthead)


Planet Magazine: 100% Free of Teenage Sarcasm! Yeah…. like, right. Duh. As if.

Planet Magazine, Vol. 9, No. 1 (the 33rd issue)

Home Site: http://www.planetmag.com

Mirror Site: http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet

Lord Wizard
Andrew G. McCann
editor@planetmag.com

Exalted Ornamentalist
Romeo Esparrago

Royal Scrivener
Ray Dangel

Bard of the Empire
Tom Wagner

What In The World Is Planet Magazine?
Planet Magazine is the free, award-winning quarterly Web-zine of short science fiction and fantasy by emerging writers and digital artists, whom we hope to encourage in their pursuit of the perfect tale or illustration. There could be other reasons we’re doing this, of course, motivations that are obscure and uncomfortable; instincts linked perhaps to primal, nonreasoning urges regarding power and procreation — the very same forces, no doubt, that sank the Atlanteans and their alabaster-towered oceanic empire. And the Dark Gods laffed.

Planet has been available electronically via the World-Wide Web (see the clickable links at the top of this page) and Tin-Foil-Hat Receptron since January 1, 1994. Total circulation is “thousands ‘n’ thousands” per issue worldwide. Feel free to download this zine or make a single printout, as long as you don’t charge for it or alter it in any way. That would be illegal and “not nice.” Submissions are welcomed (see below). Planet does not carry advertising or offer a subscription service, but issues are always available at our Web site, with new ones published every March 1, June 1, September 1, or December 1 (or thereabouts). Letters to the editor are encouraged and are likely to be printed.

Guidelines For Submissions
Planet accepts original, unpublished short science fiction and fantasy stories and poems, as well as digital art, from anyone famous or unfamous (use the lengths in any recent issue as a guideline). We are open to the experimental but will not publish anything we judge to be porno, gore, or in violation (as far as we are able to tell) of any copyrights (such as stories that use Star Trek, Star Wars, or Babylon 5 characters). Since Planet is free and carries no ads, we can’t pay anything except the spirit-sustaining currency of free publicity and life-enhancing good vibes. For full details on submitting stories, poems, or artwork, please visit:
http://www.planetmag.com/submit.htm.

* E-mail text submissions as plain, unformatted files (either as an e-mail attachment or, if short enough, in the body of the e-mail message) to editor@planetmag.com. One submission at a time, please. Two submissions max.

* E-mail illustration submissions separately as e-mail attachments, but Stuff or Zip them first. Alternatively, you could send the URL for an image, and we can go look at it. Images should be 256-color, 16-color, 16-gray, or B&W GIFs or JPEGs only. Send any questions about illustrations to editor@planetmag.com.

Distribution Sites
Planet Magazine is distributed only in Web (HTML) format, which can be read best with any version 3.0 or above Web browser, such as Netscape Navigator, Internet Explorer, Opera, NeoPlanet, iCab, or OmniWeb. Earlier issues of Planet are also available at our Web site in four other electronic formats: text (.txt) for any PC or Mac word-processing program; Acrobat (.pdf), a full-color version for PC or Mac using the free Acrobat Reader); DocMaker, a full-color, self-running file with sounds for Mac only; and Palm (.prc), a text version that requires a Palm PDA and a DOC reader like the freeware CSpotRun. The main place to find Planet is on the Web, either at our home page http://www.planetmag.com or our mirror site http://www.etext.org/Zines/planet.

Copyrights & Disclaimers
Planet Magazine as a whole, including all text, design, and illustrations, is copyright © 2002 by Andrew G. McCann. However, all individual stories and poems in this magazine are copyright © 2002 by their respective authors or artists, who have granted Planet Magazine the right to use these works for this issue in both electronic form and any resulting print-outs by readers for noncommercial, individual use. All people and events portrayed in this magazine are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to actual people or events. This publication, along with every past issue of Planet Magazine, is registered with the Copyright Office of the U.S. Library of Congress. Since our first issue, dated January 1994, Planet Magazine has been freely available via the Internet and has consistently used the names “Planet Magazine”, “PlanetZine”, “PlanetMag,” and “McCann’s Planet Magazine” to refer to itself. You may freely distribute this magazine electronically on a noncommercial, nonprofit basis to anyone and print one copy for your personal use, but you may not alter or excerpt Planet in any way without direct, written permission from the publisher, who can be contacted at editor@planetmag.com. Any unauthorized access, reproduction, or transmission of Planet Magazine, in whole or part, is strictly prohibited by U.S. federal law and international copyright law. Planet Magazine is published by Cranberry Street Press, Garden City, N.Y., USA, Andrew G. McCann, publisher.

Colophon
This issue was created with Adobe GoLive 5.0, Graphic Converter 4.1, Painter 4, and Microsoft Word 98 on an iMac DV. Logotype by Romeo A. Esparrago, Jr., using “Startling” by Dave Bastian, at http://www.davebastian.com/. (Previous logotypes in Arquitectura and Times New Roman). The text is Arial, and in some older issues Helvetica or Geneva. Some of the artwork in this and past issues was designed and created by Romeo A. Esparrago, Jr., using Adobe GoLive 4.0 and ImageStyler. Some illustrations were done in Painter 4. He also uses a Titanium G4 PowerBook, a Wacom ArtZ tablet, and a MicroTek ScanMaker IISP. Please visit the guest artists’ Web pages to learn about the tools they used for their illustrations. Note that every issue of Planet is strength-tested for 72 hours in a gale-force wind tunnel before being shipped out in its traditional damaged state.

Planet Magazine ISSN: 1526-1840.