Kick Ass, by Richard Behrens

Originally published in Planet Magazine No. 24 (December 1999).

Comic-book cover parody titled "Femtastic Comics!": a woman in a giant purple-and-yellow armored suit towers over a city while a stretching heroine, a flaming figure and a rocky orange woman fight her. Text: "The Coming of Galacta! Ms. Fantastic! Flamer! Lady Thang! Where's Unvisible Boy?" and "For Jack 'King' Kirby & Stan 'The Man' Lee"
Illustration by Romeo Esparrago

Before my body I sit and wonder
The belly is full of toxic waste
The head shelters useless ideas

Once this vessel was pumped with
Energy and life, and words came
Like orgasms onto my notebooks
And manuscripts of ideas
Now the lunar rock void of air
Sits inert in a bad space

Galactus used to drink planets
Of their energy, drain the waters,
Drive the land fallow, sink his
Teeth into the deep earth and
Steal its treasures of life

Galactus’ globe ship is circling my
Home, metal extenders ready to
Grip the volcanic depths and suck
The blood from the open wound

But there was this team of four
Bitten by gamma rays in space
Earth, air, fire and water: united,
Poised in a single direction with
A strangely unified will

What happened to Galactus
was this:

The Fantastic Four kicked his ass

Poetry copyright © 1999/2000 by Featured Poet Richard Behrens

Artwork “Femtastic Comics!” copyright © 1999/2000 by Romeo Esparrago


← Back to Planet Magazine No. 24 (contents)

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